Bound: Divergent from Four's POV
by dauntless13
Summary: So I just read Divergent and LOVED IT! I got bored, so I decided to write it from Four/Tobias's POV. Note: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR DIALOUGE.
1. Chapter 1

"Four, wake up! It's time to meet our new initiates!"

I groan as I drag myself out of bed and over to the door. I open it and see Lauren standing there, looking as happy as she always does. Some people…

"You realize we have three hours before we have to be at the Net, right?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.

"Well you need food," she says, handing me a plate with a piece of toast and jam, smiling. She's always doing these things for me. If I didn't know better, I might guess she had a thing for me, but I know the real reason she acts so nice to me. During our initiation, I saved her from being killed by Eric, and ever since then she has been trying to repay me.

I smile and push my hair back. "Thanks, Lo." She skips off, humming to herself. I never understood how she could be _such_ a morning person.

I close my door and sit back down on my bed. I take a bite of the toast and throw the rest in the garbage. I put on a fresh shirt and brush my teeth before I leave. I don't have anywhere to be for a while, so I go and find Lauren and Zeke. They are in the training room, sparring. I stand in the door and watch as she pins him. I smile a little. Lauren may be small, but she has a big fight in her.

"Hey, Four!" she calls out, getting off of Zeke.

I walk over to them. "You going to let her beat you up again, Zeke?" I tease him, and give him a small kick in the side.

"Do you want to go against her?" he asks defensively.

I hold up my hands and take a step back. "No thanks, I don't have a death wish."

Lauren smiles her cocky smile she gets when she gets what she wants. "Well, now that we're done stating the obvious, let's go meat the fresh meat!" she says, laughing as she sprints out of the room.

Zeke and I make our way through the maze of hallways that make up the Dauntless compound until we reach the Hole. The Hole is literally a room with a giant net in the middle, nothing else. "I wonder who the first jumper will be this year," Zeke wonders aloud. I lean against the wall. "Probably the usual Dauntless-born kiddie," Lauren replies. "Three points it's Uriah," Zeke calls out. I lean against the wall. _Hopefully we get a surprise this year._

"Oh, here they come!" Lauren squeals, point up through the hole. I look up and see a small, dark figure. _Definitely not Uriah_, I think to myself. _And they didn't scream; impressive._ The small figure lands in the net and lets out a grunt. I reach my hand in and the figure grabs it. When they step out of the net, I see it's a tiny Abnegation girl. I smile at her, and let go of her arm. "Thank you," she says shyly. "Can't believe it," Lauren mummers. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of." Something boils inside of me. "There's a reason why she left them, Lauren," I glare at her. I turn back and face the jumper. "What's your name?" I ask her.

"Um…" she hesitates.

"Think about it. You don't get to pick again," I tell her, and a small smile creeps at the corners of my lips. I know what it's like to come here for the first time from the small, sheltered word of Abnegation.

"Tris," she says firmly.

"Tris," Lauren says, smiling. "Make the announcement Four."

I turn over my shoulder and shout "First jumper—Tris!"

I hear the familiar shouts and whoops behind me. Suddenly a new figure, this one screaming, falls into the Net. More cheers and whoops. I put my hand on Tris's back. "Welcome to Dauntless."

Lauren, Zeke, and I help the rest of the initiates off the net. When they are all done, Lauren and I lead them down one of the tunnels. "Can't believe the Stiff was the first jumper. I haven't seen that since, well, you," Lauren whispers in my ear. "She's something, all right," I tell her, and then we stop. "This is where we divide," Lauren shouts to the group. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume _you _don't need a tour of the place." She shoots me a smug smile and runs off with her group.

I look at my remaining nine initiates, deciding which of them will make it, which will fail, and which will die. _I'd put money of that Abnegation girl, Tris._ I clear my throat. "Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four."

One of the initiates speaks up. "Four? Like the number?" _Great, just what I need, a smart-mouth Candor._

I harden my eyes and look straight at her. "Yes. Is there a problem?"

She starts to tremble. "No," she replies quietly, and looks down.

"Good," I tell her, and focus my attention back on the rest of the group. "We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It—"

The Candor girl snorts and says "The Pit? Clever name."

_That's it_, I think, and lean in. I walk over to her and move my face down so I am at perfect eye level with her. "What's your name?" I ask her.

"Christina," she stammers out.

"Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," I hiss at her. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" I ask, maybe a little too harshly. She nods quickly in return. I continue leading them down the tunnel, ignoring the smart-mouth Candor and the Abnegation girl's comments about me.

When we reach the end, I open the doors to the Pit and the initiates clump in. They look around, and comment to their new friends about things they should do later. My eyes find the Abnegation girl (Tris was it?) and I watch her as she watches some of the older Dauntless walking around. I think about my first time in the Pit, and how I was just as shocked as her by all the Tattoos and tight clothes and piercings. I decided they have enough, and I'm getting bored. "If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm," I call out to them, and they quickly fall in to line behind me.

I lead them to the right end of the Pit. I hear the familiar crash of the waves against the cement as we approach the railing. I turn around to face them. "The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" I shout over the waves. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. You've been warned." I think back to my initiation year, how James was stupid enough to think he would be the lucky idiot to survive the chasm. He was wrong. I push the memory to the back of my mind and focus again on my initiates. I check my watch. It's time for dinner.

I lead them towards the dining hall. When we enter the well-lit room, cheers and applause fill the air. I stand by the entrance for a minute, and decide to sit by Tris. Something about her makes me want to get to know her better.

I grab a hamburger from the tray in the center and quickly fill in with catsup and lettuce. I glance over and see Tris holding her hamburger, studying it. _Of course. Abnegation don't eat this kind of food._ I elbow her in the side. "It's beef," I tell her, indicating to the meat in the middle of the buns. "Put this on it." I hand her the catsup and watch her as she hesitantly puts a small amount on, and takes a bite.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" the Candor girl (_Christina, I think?)_asks her.

"No," she replies, still examining its contents. "Is that what it's called?"

"Stiffs eat plain food," I tell Christina, taking a bit of my own burger.

"Why?" she asks. _Typical Candor._

I shrug, taking another bite. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary."

"No wonder you left," Christina tells Tris, eating her meal.

Tris rolls her eyes. "Yeah, it was just because of the food." I fight the urge to laugh, but a small twitch escapes me. I see Tris' eyes light up. A loud noise fills the room, and everyone goes silent. I turn around to see what the source was, and my position becomes defensive. _Oh, no._ I watch Eric, my _favorite_ person in the world, walk forcefully down the middle isle, holding his head high. Everyone goes back to their conversations. I turn back towards Christina and Tris, hoping he won't find me in the crowd.

"Who's that?" Christina asks quietly.

"His name is Eric," I tell her grimly. "He's a Dauntless leader.

"Seriously? But he's so young," she says, her eyes big with shock.

"Age doesn't matter here," I respond quickly, focusing my attention on my food and avoiding Eric. Somehow he manages to find me. Eric sits down in the seat next to me. I don't turn to face him.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks smugly, nodding towards Tris and Christina. _Over your dead body._

"This is Tris and Christina," I tell him, keeping my voice as flat as I can.

"Ooh, a Stiff," he says, glancing over her, and I see her wince at his creepy smile. A part of me wants to knock him out, but I'm not sure why. "We'll see how long you last," he says.

He drums his fingers against the table before turning his attention towards me. "What have you been doing lately, Four?" he asks, sounding casual, but I know there has to be something else behind it.

"Nothing, really," I say as calmly and casually as I can, shrugging a shoulder.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you," he asks focusing his eyes on the food. _Ah, good ol' Max again. How'd I know?_

I hesitate for a second before I respond. "Tell him that I'm satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So he wants to give you a job," Eric says, raising his eyebrows slightly_. Please, like you didn't already know that._

"So it would seem,' I say, trying to keep casual.

"And you aren't interested."

"I haven't been interested for two years," I state firmly.

"Well, let's hope he gets the point then," Eric says, clapping me on the shoulder, probably to show his dominance, before finally leaving.

"Are you two…friends?" Tris asks, looking puzzled.

"We were in the same initiate class. He transferred from Erudite," tell her, trying not to scare her too much on her first day here.

"Were you a transfer, too?" she continues with her questions.

_Great, a nosy Abnegation. I wonder if she's…no._ I decide to keep her in the dark about Eric's true nature for now. "I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking questions. Now I have Stiffs, too?" I say, trying to sound firm enough to make my point, but gentle enough not to scare her.

"It must be because you're so approachable. You know, like a bed of nails," she snaps at me. I'm not sure why, but her words hurt me. I wince a little inside, careful not to show it. "Careful, Tris," I warn her, then stand up and leave. "Four!" I hear Zeke call. I walk over to the table where he and Lauren are sitting, along with some other Dauntless. "What's up?' I ask, taking a hand-full of pretzels and shoving them in my mouth. "We're having our annual wager tonight; you in this year?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. I sigh. Every year Zeke puts together a pot for who some of the Dauntless think will rank number one. Tris's face flashes in my mind. "You know what? I'll be there," I tell him, leaving him with a shocked expression on his face.

Later as I walk back towards my room, I stop by the transfers' dorm. I look in and watch them sleep for a second. _Enjoy it while you can._ Suddenly my eyes fall off Tris. I'm not sure why, but they linger there a little longer than they should. Snap out of it man, I tell myself, and continue back towards my room. Later that night, as I lay in bed, the image of Tris asleep was stuck in my head. I rubbed my hand over my face, trying to think of anything else but her. _What's wrong with me?_ Eventually I give up trying to force the image out of my mind. I start to fall asleep with a smile on my face, all while thinking about Tris.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm up early the next morning. I don't have time to go to eat breakfast, so I go straight to the training room. I walk over to the cabinet with the guns and pull out nine riffles and several rounds for each initiate. I set the targets up along the wall. I do this as quickly as I can. I can't stand guns. This is the one of the few days of the year I have to use one, and I hate every second of it. Maybe it's because of my childhood in Abnegation and being trained to distaste for violence. Maybe it's the fact that Marcus would hold his up to my head to scare me when he was drunk of his secret stash.

I sit and clean mine until I hear the heard of initiates walking towards the room. "Welcome to your training," I address them. "The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." I glance over their faces as I hand them each a gun, and watch some of them look like they've been told they're going to die. Tris is one of them as she stares at the unfamiliar gun in her hands.

"Initiation is divided into three stages," I continue, pacing. We will measure your progress and rank you accordingly to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed evenly in determining your final rank, so it is possible, but very difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time." I shoot Tris a quick glance, hoping she got the message. I see a slight hint in her eyes, so I assume she did. "We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is designed to prepare you in different ways. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what…does holding a gun have to do…with bravery?" one of the boys, Peter I think, says, yawning in between his words. His yawning sickens me. _You're in Dauntless now, so take what sleep you can, and stop complaining!_ In one swift motion, I swing my gun up to his temple and click a bullet into place. "Wake. Up. You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Now act like it," I snap at him. I turn away from him, but just after I seek his eyes go cold and his cheeks turn a rosy pink. "And to answer your question, you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." I face the rest of the group. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me." At that I turn towards one of the targets on the wall and shoot it. A perfect bull's-eye.

The initiates line up facing the targets and start shooting. Most of them have never seen a gun before, let alone shot one, so the recoil is a shock to them. I watch Tris shoot her first bullet, and stumble back, her bullet not even close to her target. She shoots again, and this one hits the wall a little closer. A look of fierce determination glazes her eyes, and she continues to shoot. None of them hit the target. I watch the small Erudite boy lean over and say something to her. She looks angry and quickly shoots at her target. This one hits the corner. I continue down the row, helping those who need it. _Maybe she was meant for Dauntless._

After gun training, we all head to the dining hall for lunch. I watch Tris and her small group, which now includes the Erudite boy and Al, the big kid who didn't hit his target once, sit in an empty table. I make my way over to Lauren and Zeke. "How are your transfers looking?" Lauren asks me smugly. "As you would expect," I reply, taking a sandwich. "I have to say, your group looks pretty weak this year," Zeke comments, stuffing his face with his food, and indicating to Tris and her group. "They have a fight though," I say. I eat the rest of my meal in silence.

After lunch I lead the initiates to the sparring room. They all get behind one of the punching bags hanging from the ceiling, and I stand in the middle. "As I said this morning, next you will learn how to fight," I instruct them. "The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless. We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other, so I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." I glance around to room. Most of them look absolutely terrified. I'm not sure if some of them can even hurt a fly.

I show them some basic punches and kicks. After that, I let the initiates practice against their bags. The few people who didn't look scared by the thought of fighting each other attack their bag viciously. _They rely on their brute strength…idiots._ I walk past Edward, a skinny boy who I think if from Erudite. His moves are swift and precise. Not bad, I think. Then I come to Tris. I watch her try a basic cut, and she barely moves the bag. I watch her try again, watching her skinny arms struggle. I give her a quick once-over, not sure if it's an examination of her lack of muscles or for my own personal benefit. "You don't have much muscle, which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them," I tell her putting my hand on her stomach. She is so skinny my hand touches both of her rib cages. I feel my pulse start to pound. "Never forget to put tension here, I tell her quietly, and quickly walk away.

I help them train for three more hours before we go to dinner. I grab my food quickly and head back to my room. I don't feel like talking to anybody right now. I pass Tris and her friends as I leave. I hear the big one, Al, talking about getting a tattoo, and a part of me hopes that Tris doesn't. When I get back to my room, I finish my food and lie down. I try to think about anything but Tris, but I can't. I hold my hand up, and the feeling of her stomach underneath it comes rushing back_. What's the matter with me? Why can't I stop thinking about her?_ I run my hands through my hair and lie down. Like the night before, I end up falling asleep, with Tris's face stuck in my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm up early again. I go to the breakfast hall and eat with Lauren. I listen to her talk about how excited she is for paintball. I'm not really paying attention, but I nod my head every now and then so it looks like I am.

At some point I get up and go to the sparring room. I pause when I see Eric in there, setting up today's fights. I glance at who he has fighting whom. I see Tris's name next to Drew's. "Like what you see?" Eric asks smugly, grinning. "She can't fight Drew; he'll killer her," I tell him firmly. "What are you scared your little crush might get hurt?" he asks, leaning in. He laughs and turns back towards the board, finishing the assignments. I don't respond, but I give him a cold look. _I can't let her fight him._

"You know I don't care much for initiates. The only fun is in watching them squirm. What fun would it be if one drops out already and it's not even a close fight?" I ask leaning against a wall, trying to sound bored. Eric looks at me and scratches his long, greasy hair. "You make a good point, Four," he says, and goes back to the board. I watch him give Drew a different partner and leave Tris's name blank. I breathe a sigh of relief. Eric starts to walk out of the room but stops next to me. He leans to my ear. "You can't always protect her," he whispers coldly, then leans against the wall next to me.

After they finish breakfast, the initiates come in. "Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today. I shoot Tris a look meant to say 'you're welcome,' but she just glares at me. _You have no idea what I saved you from._ "Will and Al," I call out the first match. The skinny Erudite boy and the large Candor step on to the mat. They circle each other until Al throws the first punch, making Will stumble. I hear Eric smirk. He makes me sick. The boys continue to fight. After they each get a few good kicks in, they look over at me like they want me to stop it. I start to take a step forward.

Eric shouts, "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for a nap time? Fight each other!"

"But," Al breathes heavily, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

"It ends when one of you can't continue," Eric replies firmly.

"According to Dauntless rules, one of you could also concede," I add. Eric gives me a 'what-the-hell-are-you-doing' look. "According to the old rules," Eric says, narrowing his eyes at me, "in the new rules, no one concedes." "A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," I add more firmly. "A brave man never surrenders," Eric replies, straightening his stance, trying to out-size me. We stare at each other.

Al makes a comment that I don't hear, but it must have upset Will, because the next thing I see is him trying to hit Al, but he is just no match, and Will ends up knocked out on the floor. "Get him out of here," Eric says coldly. I circle Al's name on the board to indicate his victory, then help Will up. He groans as I pick him up and take him to the infirmary. I hate leaving them alone with Eric, but I can't just ignore my initiate's pain. I drop him off and head back to my room_. I just can't watch Eric torture these kids like that. That's not the Dauntless way. We're brave, not cruel._ I decide to skip dinner. Instead I head over to the control room and catch up on some work. I work through the night, and the next thing I know it's time to meet the initiates back in the sparring room. I stop by my room first to put on a clean shirt and head over.

I enter the room. No one is there yet. I glance at the board, and see Tris is fighting Peter today. _Oh no._

The initiates file in and anxiously look at the board. I see Tris's face drop when she sees who her opponent is. She turns and says something to Christina, and she comforts her. I half-watch the first two fights, and then it's Tris and Peter's turn.

They step in the ring and I purse my lips together. Peter smiles smugly down at her and they start to circle each other. Eric slips in to the room and stands next to me. "Should be an interesting fight, huh? I wonder who will win?" he asks, laughing quietly. I watch as Peter knocks her down, catching her kick, but she springs up. _Come on, Tris_. "Stop playing with her, I don't have all day," Eric calls out. I watch as Peter punches and kicks her down over and over again, and each time she gets up, only to get knocked down again. _I can't watch this. _I leave the room quickly.

I run through the compound, not sure where I'm going or what I am going to do. I end up at Zeke's room. I knock on his door several times before he answers sleepily. "Whatch'a want, man?" he asks, rubbing his eyes. I step in to his room. "Eric's trying to kill the Abnegation girl. He put her against Peter in the fights today," I tell him grimly, looking at my feet. "Geese, is she okay?" he asks, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I don't know, I left before it finished. I couldn't watch," I say. I must have a crazed look in my eyes, because the next thing I know Zeke is forcing his coffee down my throat and running out of the room, and Lauren is there, trying to calm me down. "She'll be okay, Four. You really like her, don't you?" I'm not sure how to respond. "Hey, we're just glad to see you have a heart," Lauren reassures me, smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning in Zeke's room. My head is pounding. The last thing I remember is Lauren giving me a pill. I groan, and drag myself out of bed. I leave Zeke's room and start towards my own. When I open the door I'm surprised to see Zeke there. "Hey man," he says smiling at me. "I was just about to wake you up. I was just getting you some breakfast and clean clothes," he says, handing me a muffin and a fresh shirt and pants. "Thanks," I reply gratefully. "Anytime. By the way, be at the tracks by eight for the fence tour. And don't forget the paintball game tonight," Zeke calls out, leaving the room. I groan. _Crap, I forgot about the game._ I throw and the clothes and shove the muffin in my mouth as I run to meet Eric at the tracks.

I stand by the tracks waiting for the train as the last of the initiates comes. I glance over to make sure everyone (_Tris) _is here. I hear the train and herd some of the slower initiates before me, making sure they get on. I wait for the next open car and jump in myself. I grab Will's arm and help me in. I can tell he's sore from his fight yesterday by the way he winces when I grab his bicep. I lean back against the side of the car and wait for the initiates to finish jumping in. Drew, Peter, Molly…I watch as Al gets in the car, and pulls Tris in behind him. She smiles to thank him and relaxes against the opposite side of the car.

Peter whispers something to Molly and turns towards Tris. "Feeling okay there?" he asks, giving her a clearly fake look of sympathy. "Or are you feeling a little…_Stiff_?" I watch Drew and Molly break into laughter.

"We are all in awe by your incredible wit," Will says, rolling his eyes. I hold in my snort. _Maybe he's okay._

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong in Erudite Peter? I hear they don't object to sissies," Christina adds sarcastically. It isn't a great line, but it was still nice of her to stand up for Tris.

I decide that I've heard enough. I get up and stand by the entrance to the car. "Am I going to have to listen your bickering all the way to the fence them?" I ask, sounding annoyed. They shut up. I turn back to face them to make sure it stays that way. I try to focus on the scenery behind them, but my eyes keep wandering back to Tris. _Why can't I stop looking at her?_ I look at how her bangs fall in front of her face and whip in the wind. I watch as he clothes, too big for her tiny frame, keep pressing against her in different spots and loosen in other. Finally we reach our destination. I jump out as quickly as I can, hoping Tris didn't catch me staring.

"Follow me," I call out, and lead them down the fence. "If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," I tell them, leaning against the fence. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols of Amity's farms but—" I'm cut off by Will.

"Patrols for what purpose?" he asks. _Well, there goes any respect I had for him._

I shrug my shoulder. "I suppose you'll discover that if you join them. As I was saying, for the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist it isn't as bad as it seems."

"What rank were you?" Peter asks me.

I look straight at Peter. "I was first,' I tell him firmly. _Maybe know you'll show a little respect, punk._

"And you chose to do _this_?" he asks, his eyes wide. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

My lips turn down. "I didn't want one," I say in the steadiest voice I can. I turn away and lead the initiates down the fence toward the guards' station. Some glance over, but quickly turn their attention back to opening the heavy doors for an Amity truck coming in. I go over and start talking to Gabriela, one of the initiates from my class who ended up here. I watch Tris talk to a boy who jumped out of the truck. A transfer initiate from her faction, I assume. I hear Molly make a stupid comment about her real name. Beatrice. I try to picture that name on her, but somehow it doesn't seem right for the person she is now. I finish up with Gabriela and return to the initiates. I go up to Tris and lean in close.

"I'm worried you have a knack for making unwise decisions," I tell her.

She crosses her arms. "It was a two-minute conversation," she responds defensively.

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise," I tell her, gently touching the bruise around her eye. She flinches but I keep my hand there. I sight. She clearly doesn't get what I'm trying to tell her.

"You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better," I offer.

"Attack first? How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win," I tell her, and shrug. It's her choice if she uses my advice, so I drop my hand. _I really hope she does._

"I'm surprised you know that, since you left half way through my one and only fight," she says quietly.

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch." I look at her face. I don't want you to get hurt. _You have no idea how much restraint it took not to punch him then and there_. I clear my throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."

When we get back to the compound, I quickly go change into my paintball gear. I grab my old gun from my closet, and head out to meet Eric to wake the initiates.

I find Eric standing outside of the transfers'' dorms, gun and flashlight in hand, ready to go. "You want to wake them, or should I?" He asks jokingly. "Go right ahead," I tell him. He throws open the doors and shouts at them to meet at the tracks in five minutes. The other Dauntless and I run over the tracks to wait for the train.

I stand outside by the tracks with the Dauntless, and glance down at my watch. _Any minute now._ I listen to each of the initiates take a gun and pack of paintballs, putting two and two together.

"Time estimate?" Eric calls out to me.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?" I ask him smugly.

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" he asks, slapping my should maybe a little too hard.

I see the train coming and start my sprint. I jump in to the first empty car I see. I see Tris right behind me, so I hold out my hand to help her in. The second she is firmly in the car, I let go, hoping she didn't feel the same tingles through her as I did. The initiates sit down, looking at me, waiting to hear what will happen next.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag," I tell them. "Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways and I grab the side, silently praying I don't fall out. "This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously," I warn them.

"What do we get if we win?" I hear someone shout.

_Transfers._ "Sounds like a question someone not from Dauntless would ask," I say, shrugging my shoulder. "You get to win, of course."

Eric appears beside me. I tighten my grip on the mar, just for safe measure. "Four and I will be your team captains," he explains. "Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?"

"You go first," I say, trying to catch on to his strategy.

He shrugs. "Edward," he calls out. A skinny Erudite boy come over and stands next to him.

I lean against the door and nod, glancing around the car. I already know who my first pick will be, but I try not to make it so obvious. "I want the Stiff," I say flatly.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks, laughing, "or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

"Something like that," I say, shrugging. Eric and I finish our picks of the transfers. I end up with Christina, Will, and Drew. I bite my nail as we pick the native transfers next, hardly thinking about it. They grew up playing this game, so I'm not too concerned about whom I end up with. The only thing that matters to me, other than having Uriah on my team for Zeke's sake, is that all my members are _fast._

"Your team can get off second," Eric smirks at me.

"Don't do me any favors. You know I don't need them to win," I say smiling.

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," he says, biting his lip. I laugh to myself. He clearly has no comeback.

"Take your scrawny team and get off first then," Eric scowls at me.

We reach our destination. One by one my team jumps off the train. They all gather around me. Marlene, one of the Dauntless-born initiates, taps me on the shoulder. "Where did your team put the flag when you win?" she asks, giving me a flirty look. "Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the game," I respond coolly. "Come on, Four," she whines, throwing her hands on y shoulders. _Get off of me._ I sigh and shrug her hands off.

"Navy Pier," I hear Uriah call out, stepping forward. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."

No one objects, so they start walking towards the pier. I hang back for a second, watching the distance as Eric's team heads in to the forest to hide their flag. I start towards the Navy Pier. I watch Tris look towards the Erudite city. I remember she had a brother. I wonder if he's Erudite now.

We reach the Pier, and I take the flag out of my pocket. "In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," I tell them. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."

Will takes the flag from my hand. I listen to them argue about defending the flag versus a more aggressive tactic, but I get bored quickly. I go over and sit down against the carousel. I lean the gun against my shoulders, keeping my finger away from the trigger. I look up at the cloudy sky and start to think. I think about my first time playing paintball, and how it took us over twenty minutes before we realized the only way to win was by finding their flag before going after it. I also think about Tris. As her face enters my mind, I hear a small crunch behind me. I turn around and see Tris walking towards the Ferris wheel. _What are you doing, Tris?_ I get up and start to follow her.

I watch her start to climb the rust ladder. A lump forms in my throat. Suck it up, I tell myself, and start to climb up after her. "Tris," I call out to her. She stops and looks down at me. "Yes?" she replies calmly. "I came to find out what you're doing."

"I'm seeking higher ground. I don't _think_ I'm doing anything."

I smile. _Well done, Tris._ "All right. I'm coming," I tell her, and start to climb again.

"I'll be fine," she tells e reassuringly.

"Undoubtedly," I tell her. A look of confusion crosses her face, but it quickly fades and she starts to climb.

We start to get pretty high. _Don't look down._ I, of course, look down, and panic rises in my chest. My breathing starts to get heavy. _Focus on Tris. Distract yourself_. "So tell me: what do you think the purpose of the exercise is. The game, I mean, not the climbing," I ask quietly.

"Learning about strategy," she replies, climbing higher. "Teamwork, maybe."

"Teamwork," I say. A nervous laugh leaves my throat. No one in Dauntless knows what teamwork is anymore.

"Maybe not. Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be," I tell her, my breathing getting heavier with every ring I step on. _Focus on Tris._ "Now tell me," I ask through heavy breaths, "what do you think learning strategy has to do with…bravery?"

"It prepares you to act," she says. She keeps climbing. My breathing is getting worse and worse. I feel my pulse pounding in my head. "Are you all right, Four?" she asks.

"Are you…human Tris?" I ask, gasping for air. "Being up this high…it doesn't scare you at all?"

A sudden gust of air swings her slender frame to the side. I reach out and catch her side, trying to steady her. In that moment I forgot all about my fear of heights. My only fear was for her.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yes," she responds, but her voice is shaking.

She climbs up the last few rings and steps up onto the platform. I scamper up and grasp on to the sides for dear life. I try to focus on controlling my breathing, but all I can think about is falling to my death. I look over at Tris, with her legs thrown over the side. Somehow that helps my breathing a little.

"You're afraid of heights," she points out. _No kidding._ "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"

"I ignore my fear. I pretend it doesn't exist." Most of the time this works, but times like now it doesn't.

I look up at her. She is staring at me. "What?" I ask after a while.

"Nothing," she mumbles, and looks away. After a second she says "we're not high enough. I'm going to climb." She grabs the ladder again.

"For God's sake, Stiff," I shout, shaking my head.

"You don't have to follow me," she calls back, starting her climb. I sigh. I know what I have to do. "Yeah, I do," I say, and start climbing after her.

We climb up a little higher until she stops. "See that?" she shouts over the wind, and points at a blinking light close to the other team's base. I climb up so I'm right next to her. My face is right next to hers, and I can hear her breaths. "Yeah," I say in between gasps, and smile. I'm not sure if it's because I'm proud of her, or if I like this closeness. "It's coming from the park at the end of the Pier,' I tell her. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees give some camouflage. Obviously not enough."

"Okay," she says. "Um," she stutters, "start climbing down. I'll follow you."

I quickly nod and step down. I'm relieved to be getting closer to the ground. She starts to follow me. Suddenly, I hear a creak and Tris screams "Four!" she gasps. I start to panic.

"Hold on! Just hold on, I have an idea," I call out to her, moving down the ladder as fast as my legs can take me. I sprint over to the control panel, praying my plan works. I find the wires I want. _Come on, please work._ I bite the ends off and touch them together. The Ferris wheel comes to life. I pull and lever and the carts start to spin. I watch Tris holding on for her life and she is carried closer to the ground. She jumps off and rolls, nearly getting crushed by one of the cars. I run over to her.

"Are you okay?" I ask, taking her hands in mine.

"Yeah,' she says, dizzily. I start to laugh. I'm not sure why, but something about the idea of me saving her from heights is funny to me. She starts to laugh, too. I stand up and offer my hand to her. She accepts it and wipes the dirt off her jeans.

"You could have told me the Ferris wheel still worked. We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place," she says accusingly.

"I would have if I had known. Couldn't just let you hag there, had to take a risk," I tell her, tilting my head to the side. "Come on, time to get their flag." I hesitate for a second, and grab her arm around the elbow. Touching her just feels…right. I smile at her as we run back to our base.

"Where'd the others go?" I ask Christina, who is resting on one of the ceramic horses.

"Did you guys turn the wheel on?" Maureen screeches. "What the hell were you thinking? You might as well have said 'Here we are, come get our flag!'" She shakes her head. "If I lose this year, it will be three years in a row. The shame will be unbearable."

"The wheel doesn't matter. We know where we are," I say excitedly, nodding to Tris. Christina gives us a funny look. "Yes, we. While the rest of you were busy twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," I explain.

"What do we do now then?" another Dauntless-born, Tara, asks, yawning. I look at Tris to hear her plan.

Tris explains her plan to the group. "Split in half. Four of us go to the pier, the other three go to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind and captures their flag." It really is a brilliant plan. Tris splits them up. I decide to tag along and watch the plan unfold. I watch the larger group get shot down, and Christina, Uriah, and Tris sneak behind. Christina raises the flag proudly. I smile. Her plan worked. I walk over to Tris, who is celebrating her victory, and touch her shoulder. "Well done," I tell her quietly.

This time I'm not in the car with Tris. Instead I sit in the car next to hers, alone, watching the sky as the train pulls ahead. I think about the feel of her side under my hand, and how I managed to forget my own fear to save her. _What does it mean?_ I also think about her nervousness on the ladder, and how I caught her staring at me. _No, she couldn't…could she?_ A small sliver of hop enters my mind. But hope for what?


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up the next morning wrapped in my sheets, sweating. The image of the dark closet door that never opens is frozen in my mind. I run my fingers through my hair and slowly get out of bed. I get changed and head down to the dining hall. I sit down next to Zeke and eat a grapefruit in silence. Zeke looks at me with concern. "What was it this time?" he asks, genuinely concerned. "Closet," I mumble. "I'm sorry man. Hey, I have to run, but we'll talk later, okay?" he says, running out. I finish my breakfast in silence and head over to the main training room.

I lay eighteen knives out in silence in front of the targets, three for each initiate. I sit in the corner. My mind keeps flashing back to the closet. I hear footsteps coming. _Focus, Four._ I stand up and clear my throat. Eric walks in to the room. "Good game last night," he grumbles at me. I don't respond, I just stare at the floor. "What, you don't talk now?" he continues, his voice full of mocking. Again, I don't respond. He snorts and stares at the door. "Better get your knives ready. Have to impress your little girlfriend from Abnegation, now don't you?" he smirks at me. "She's not my girlfriend," I growl at him, and get two knives from the cabinet. "Whatever. Sure looks like it," he says, spinning one of the knives on his finger. I somehow manage to restrain myself from saying something to him about his infatuation for initiate girls. The initiates walk in, and Eric straightens his back.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," he tells them. "You will resume fighting then. Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives and pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them." The initiates stand there, looking at him. "Now!" he shouts, and they scramble for the knives, and look at me.

He nods to me, and I step forward. I get in my stance, take a breath, and throw the first knife. It hits the bead middle of the target. I throw the second knife, and it also hits the target.

"Line up," Eric orders, and they all stand in front of a target. The initiates start throwing their knives, most of them missing, and Eric yelling as he paces behind them. I lean against the wall. My eyes drift towards Tris, and I watch as she goes over the motion. I close my eyes, and I flash back to last night, Tris staring at me. I'm interrupted by the sound of laughter. I lift my head and see Christina and Will laughing, Tris with a smug look on her face, and Peter blushing. I snort.

A half hour later, all the initiates but Al have hit a target. Eric is standing behind him, yelling at him. I try to drown him out, but it's pretty hard. Al misses the target yet again, and Eric tells him to go get the knife. Al's eyes widen, and tells him no. _Oh no_.

"Everyone stop!" Eric shouts. "Clear out of the ring…all except you," Eric hisses, glaring at Al. "Stand in front of the target," Eric tells him coldly. "Hey Four, give me a hand here, huh?" he calls out. I sigh and scratch my eyebrow with the knife I'm holding, and go over. I don't agree with Eric's methods, but I don't have a choice. I purse my lips as Al's fate is sealed by Eric. "You're going to stand there as he throws these knives until you learn not to flinch,' Eric says, stepping back.

"Is this really necessary?" I ask. I try to keep my voice level, not letting my anger show. Eric takes a step forward and narrows his eyes at me. "I have the authority here," he says, barely audible. "Here, and everywhere else." He retreats back to the wall. I fell the anger bubble in my stomach. I turn to face Al, my grip on the knife tightening. This is so wrong.

"Stop it!" I hear a shout from the crowd. _Of all the times for her bravery to show…_Tris steps forward. I give her an icy look. _Shut up and get back to your friends_, I will her to hear mentally. Apparently she doesn't get the message. "Any idiot can stand in front of a target. It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice," she says angrily toward Eric.

"Then it should be easy for you…if you're willing to take his place?" Eric says, picking at his nails. _Tris, you're kind of my hero right now. Be strong…_

She steps through the crowd and moves in front of the target. She looks at me with a blank expression and tilts her head up. "If you flinch, Al takes your place. Understand?" I tell her slowly. She nods. I sigh and lift my arm back. I watch the knife hurl through the air, and hit the target a few inches from the left side of her head.

"You about done, Stiff?" I ask firmly. "No," she replies coldly, closing her eyes. "Eyes open then,' I tell her, tapping between my eyebrows, hoping she gets my message. I throw the knife, this one hitting right above her head. Again, she does not flinch. _Good job._

"Come on, Stiff, let someone else stand there and take it," I tell her in the same slow, cold voice.

"Shut up, Four!" she shouts, and crosses her arms. I feel so proud of her, and hold back a smile. _You have such a fight; don't let it burn out now._

I throw the knife. This one nicks her ear. She clutches the side of her head, and stares at the blood. She looks over at me. I raise my eyebrows an inch, hoping she understands why I did what I did. From the look she gives me, she doesn't.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for the day," Eric says, leaving the training room. I watch him as he stops next to Tris and squeezes her shoulder. He whispers something in her ear and she shudders. My entire body tenses. I have to grab the arm with the knife in it to stop myself from throwing it at his head.

The initiates follow Eric out of the room to lunch. Only Tris and I are left in the room. I walk over to her. "Is your—"I begin to ask, reaching out to touch her ear. She knocks my hand down. "You did that on purpose!" she shouts at me accusingly. "Yes, I did," I say quietly, looking at my feet. "And you should thank me for helping you."

"Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spent the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?" she screeches. I've had it with this.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on," I say louder, stepping towards her.

"Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're just as sadistic as he is?" she says, glaring at me.

"I'm not sadistic," I say calmly. I lean my face closer to hers, so my lips are right next to her ear. "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?" I can't tell her anymore. I walk across the room and slam the remaining knife in my hand on the table as I leave, listening to her shout something. I keep walking.

The next morning the sound of Tris yelling at me rings in my head. I frown. She'll understand eventually. I get up and go to the sparring room, grabbing a bagel from the dining hall first. I walk in and grab some chalk. Eric has thankfully left the fight choices up to me today. He said he had a meeting or something. I was hesitant at first, but I just accepted it before he changed his mind. I look at the board, staring at the names. I have all but three names matched up. I end up putting Tris's name next to Will's. She would yell at me until I fought her myself if I didn't give her a decent partner.

I hear a loud scream from the hallway and walk towards it. I see a bare foot sprint go into the girls' bathroom. I hear laughter coming from the dorms, so I go over to see what happened. I see Drew, Peter, and Molly cackling with a towel at their feet. When they see me, they go silent. "What happened here?" I ask them coldly.

"Nothing," Peter says with a calm face. I can't stand this little prick. I grab his collar and pin him up against the wall. I lean my face in so close that our noses touch. "You are going to tell me what happened down to the very last detail right now," I hiss at him in a low voice. I am looking him right in the eye. My look must be pretty scary, because the next thing I hear is a jumble of words coming from his mouth.

"It was just a joke," he stammers. "We just wanted to scare her, that's all. Not like there was much to see anyways."

"Who?" I growl, stepping closer.

"The Stiff! Tris!" he says, and runs out of the room. I feel my blood boil as I walk back to the sparring room. I grab the chalk and mix a few things up.

As the initiates walk in and check the board, I watch Peter's expression fall as he sees he's fighting the one person who will knock him out properly: Edward. I also see Tris's expression lift, and turn a little evil as she sees her partner is now Molly.

I watch Edward give Peter a nice black eye. I also watch Christina knock out Al. Then it's time for Molly and Tris's fight.

They step in to the ring. "Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek, Stiff?" Molly sneers. I see the anger rise in Tris's eyes, and feel in rise to my throat. _Stay focused, Tris._ Then the fight begins.

Molly lurches at her, but Tris is quick, and ducks out of the way. Molly tries to throw in a punch but Tris blocks it and gets behind her back. _Good, Tris, now finish her off._ Tris elbows Molly in the side, and she goes down. Tris gives her a hard kick in the ribs. She lifts her foot again, this time going for the stomach, and then again for the face. I see the anger over-take her face, and run over to stop her from kicking the evil witch to death. I grab her arms. "You won," I mutter in her ear. "Stop."

She turns around. I see the familiar crazed look in her eyes, I remember me having the same look after my first fight. She wipes the beads of sweat off her forehead and breathes deep.

"I think you should leave. Take a walk," I tell her, trying to nudge her out of the room.

"I'm fine," she says, and takes another breath. "I'm fine now." I'm not fully convinced but I let her go.


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up. It's visiting Day today. I groan, and roll over in my bed. _Great, another day to deal with the kids whose parents didn't show._ Personally, I was thankful when Marcus didn't show for my Visiting Day. But then again, none of these kids had the childhood I did. I go to the breakfast hall and listen to the kids talk about whether or not their parents will come. I just roll my eyes and sit down at my usual table.

"Don't you hate today?" Lauren asks, slipping in beside me.

"Come on, we all know he does," Zeke responds, shoving a piece of toast in his mouth. We all finish our meal, not wanting to remember how none of our parents came to visit us.

After breakfast, I spend the rest of my day by the chasm. I sit and watch the waves crash against the concrete wall, feeling the spray on my face. I think back two years ago, when I was where the initiates are now.

"_I hope my dad comes! I want to show him the cool sword tattoo I got!" Zeke shouts, running through the Pit with Lauren on his back. "Yeah, well, my parents don't exactly care how I am now, only that I pass initiation. I guess that's what I get for having Dauntless parents," Lauren says, and jumps off. I walk next to them with my hands in my pockets. "What about your parents, Tobias? Think they'll come?' Lauren asks. I don't know how to tell her that my mom's dead, and that my dad would never come, even to save his life, and I'm glad for that. "I don't think so," I mumble._

I snap out of my memory when I hear a laugh. I look up and see Tris and her mother looking at me. Tris blushes, but her mother extends her hand to me. "Hello, my name is Natalie," she says, shaking my hand. _I know her. From Abnegation. I remember seeing her volunteering with Marcus at the hospital._ I shake her hand twice.

"Four," I say hesitantly. "It's nice to meet you."

She smiles at me. I can tell she remembers me, too. "Four-is that a nickname?" she asks. She will keep my secret for now.

"Yes. Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training," I tell her.

"That's good," she says, looking me directly in the eye. "I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."

I look at Tris. My eyes wander around her face. I see the training had begun to show by the heavy bags under her eyes and creases around her eyebrows. "You shouldn't worry," I tell Natalie, still looking at Tris.

Her mother tilts her head. "You look familiar, Four." She's trying to confirm how she recognizes me,

My eyes go cold. "I can't imagine why. I don't make a habit of associating with Abnegation."

She laughs a little, understanding me. "Few people do these days. I don't take it personally."

I relax. "Well, I'll leave you to your reunion," I say, and walk away. I go back to my room and pull out the chalkboard with the fight results. I look over them and erase them. I write down the ranks and stick the chalkboard back in its hiding place. By the time I'm done, it's time for dinner.

I sit and listen to Lauren and Zeke talk about their visits with their parents. "She always gives me the same judgmental look. It's been two years, you think she'd be over my not taking the professional fighter job," Lauren says, stabbing her salad. "At least yours said hi to you. They only wanted to talk to Uriah, figure out how he's doing," Zeke said, rolling his eyes. Lauren looks at me. "You know, a lot of initiate parents didn't come, too," Lauren says empathetically. "You know I don't want him to," I grumble at her, throwing peas around my plate. "I'm just going to wander around until I have to announce the first cuts, okay?" I say, and stand up from the table. Zeke looks at me, lowering his eyebrows. It's our way of checking on the other without words. I nod my head, and he relaxes a little.

I stop by my room to grab the chalkboard with the rankings, and wander around the compound. I walk to the initiates' dorms. I walk slowly down the aisle, trying to guess whose bed is whose. I arrive at the only bed in the room I can be absolutely sure of: Tris's. I know it's hers by the familiar Abnegation-style tucked corners and folded clothes underneath. I lie down on it. I try to picture a sleeping Tris. I envision her tangled hair around her face, her slow, steady breaths as she sleeps, the sheets wrapped around her body…my vision is stopped by the sound of voices. I quickly sit up and turn the chalkboard towards me. They see me and go quiet.

"For those of you just coming in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," I explain. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earned depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone with a higher skill rank. I don't reward preying on the weak; that's cowardice." My eyes flash over to Peter. "If you had a high rank, you lost points for losing to a low-ranked opponent." My eyes drift to Molly. "Stage two is weighed more heavily than stage one, because it's more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. That said, it's extremely hard to rank high in initiation if you ranked low in stage one." My eyes roam over the crowd, trying to find Tris. They do, and she quickly looks down. "We will announce cuts tomorrow," I continue quickly. "The fact that you are a transfer or a Dauntless-born will not be taken into consideration. Any combination of initiates could be possible for the four cuts tomorrow. That said, here are the first ranks."

I flip over the chalk board and step aside as a mass of initiates try to get a better look. "What?" Molly screams, pointing at Christina. "I beat her in minutes! How is she ranked above me?"

"I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents," I tell her, smirking. I leave the room, letting them work out the rankings for themselves. I pass by Tris without glancing at her. I'm scared if I do, I won't be able to stop. Once out of the room, I lean against the wall. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't my fault she's ranked that low. I wanted to put her above Molly, but Eric had other ideas. I scowl. Everything just _has_ to go his way.

I go to the control room for my shift. I slap the previous operator awake and he happily leaves. I turn on the night vision setting for the security cameras, and try and think of what to do. Most of the coding is done during the day, so there isn't much to do here at night. I pull up the footage from the training room from yesterday, and watch as Tris doesn't flinch as I'm throwing the knives at her head. _Her courage is incredible._

I lean back and wait for my shift to end. Around midnight, I notice some motion around the transfers' dorms. Weird. I flash back to the way Eric looked at Tris yesterday and without hesitation break out in to a full-on sprint.

As I get closer I see a huddle around something in there. I step a little closer, hoping no one sees me. I see the top-ranked Erudite boy on the ground with a knife in his eye. It takes me a second before I notice a second figure on the ground, holding his head. _Tris_. I look around and see Drew and Peter looking at him coldly. I don't need anything else to tell me who did it. I can't be here anymore, so I go back to the control room. _The way Eric is training there kids makes me sick._

Zeke stops by later to tell me the boy, Edward was his name, and another transfer, Myra, dropped out. _Figures_. I don't feel like going back to my room, so I sleep in the control room that night.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning my back is stiff from sleeping in the chair. I stand up and extend my arms and legs one at a time, trying to regain some feeling. When my legs are stretched out enough to walk, I go to breakfast. There is a heavy atmosphere of fear. I look over at the initiates. Most of them are sitting in silence, playing with their food. Most of them have never seen an act of violence like that, I tell myself. I frown as I remember the first time I saw something like that. _Eric was fighting Gabriela during initiation. He easily pinned her, and punched her in the jaw, knocking her unconscious. Our instructor declared him the winner, but he kept hitting her. They pulled him off of her, and I watched them carry her away, moaning from the pain of several clearly broken face bones._

I finish off the last of my breakfast and start to wander around the compound. Today the initiates have the day off, which means I really have nothing to do. I could hang out with Lauren and Zeke, but I remember they were planning on taking some of the Dauntless-born initiates out to the zip line, and I quickly dismiss the idea. There is nothing that could make me throw myself off of that huge building.

I decide to spend my day drawing with Tori. I haven't done it for a while. I used to all the time as a boy, and even when I first came here for a while. It was a way to help me express my emotions without hitting someone in the face or cutting up more practice dummies.

I go over to the tattoo studio and find Tori reading in the back. She looks up when the bell rings. "Hey, Tobias!" she calls out. She is the only one who still calls me by my real name. I smile and wave at her. "What can I help you with?" she asks, closing her book.

"I was hoping we could um, draw?" I ask sheepishly. An impish smile crosses her face.

"It's going to cost you," she tells me, and pulls out two drawing pads and a box of sketching pens.

"So what's bugging you? You only come and draw with me when you have a problem," she asks, starting the base of her drawing.

"Oh, you know, the usual: Eric, my lovely childhood, and the initiates," I tell her, starting on my own.

"And by initiates you mean…"

"I think you can guess who I mean," I tell her, a little more coldly than I should have. She drops her pens and turns to face me.

"Tobias, if you're talking about the Abnegation girl, forget it. She's dangerous. Trust me," she snaps.

"What's so wrong with her that I can't get to know her a little better?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't tell you, but stay away from this one. Why not go for Lauren?" she asks, returning to her drawing. Her eyes start to focus as she puts in the finer details on her drawing.

I snort. "Yeah, and maybe one day Zeke will forgive me for taking her from him. Never going to happen," I say, absent-mindedly doodling.

"True, I suppose," she says in the dreamy voice she gets when she gets lost in her own artistic world.

"Look, I didn't say I like her or anything. I just want to talk to her more, understand what makes her tick, _friend_ stuff," I tell her. I look down and realize I have been doodling Tris's face. _Maybe not so much friends…_

"Please, Tobias. I am happy you finally show some emotions to others, but not this one," she says and goes to the back room, my cue to leave. I get up, taking my drawing with me. I'm not sure what I'd do if anyone ever found it. As I leave I glance over at Tori's sketch. She has drawn a pair of eyes, with a towering city in the left and a plant in the right. I know this sketch; it's the one she drew to put in her brother's grave, the one she slipped under my door after the simulation during our initiation. It's her way of recognizing a Divergent. I grab the sketch and rip it up.

I run back to my room and slam the door_. No, she can't be…she's so small! She has such determination, such passion!_ I realize it's these very characteristics about her that prove to me she is like me: Divergent. It's why she couldn't stay in Abnegation, why she…_No,_ I tell myself. _It's a stupid drawing; the only way to prove it is to wait for after the simulation._ I hold on to this small sliver of hope as I sleep that night. I dream, not about Marcus or my past, for the first time in years. I dream about the eyes in Tori's sketch.


	8. Chapter 8

I decide to skip breakfast the next morning. Thinking about Tori's drawing makes me sick. I decide to take a shower instead to help clear my head. I grab a towel and strip down. I step in to the shower and rub some soap over my body, but the eyes are still burned in to my head. I sink down and lean against the shower wall. _She can't be Divergent, she just can't be! If Eric ever found out…no, Tobias, don't even think that. You WILL keep her safe._ I have been very protective of Tris lately for whatever reason, and she needs me now more than ever, especially today with the simulations.

After a few more minutes I turn the water off. I step out and wrap the towel around my waist, and walk back into my room whistling. I stop when I see Eric sitting on my bed.

"Why so happy, Four? Glad the Stiff didn't fail out yet?" he smirks, and lies down against my pillow. I walk out and yank it from under his head, giving him a harsh look.

"That was unnecessary," he says, and sits back up. "Look, I didn't come here to pick a fight, just to remind you that you have to be in the simulation room a half hour before the initiates so you can explain it to the whiners and the program can connect you to it," he says, and leaves.

I sigh and fall down in to my bed. I let the sheets engulf my body, suffocating me. I close my eyes and let my mind go blank. I can't be thinking about anything else today; I have to be watching for signs of Tris's Divergence.

I quickly get changed and head over to the simulation room. I take out enough syringes for all the initiates and set them in the order Max instructed me to. When I have them all filled up, I sit outside and wait. It isn't long before I hear their talking and heavy footsteps. I stand up to address them.

"Welcome to stage two. While the first step many of you have prepared for, nothing could prepare you for this. In this stage, your mental courage will be tested. Your worst fears will come to life. This is not a joke," I say, glaring at Peter and Drew, who think something about all of this is comical. "As I was saying, each of you will be called back. Today you will only get a taste of what challenges this stage presents. You may as well get comfortable; you're going to be here for a while.

I go back in to the room and see who the first initiate will be. It's Lynn, one of the Dauntless-born. I call her in and inject her. I hook myself up and turn the machine on. I watch as she struggles to calm herself down while faceless men throw dirt on her in a hole. Eventually she does, and I help her back to the dorms. When I get back, I check my list and smile. _Peter._ I call him in and inject him. His eyes wander around the room nervously. "Relax," I snort. "It's just a simulation. I turn the machine on and watch him struggle against an army of giant spiders. I have to stop myself from laughing. What a big baby, I think as I lead him out of the room.

Tris's name is after Peter's on the list. I swallow hard. I open the door to the hallway. "Come on, Tris," I call out. She stands up and steps over Drew's leg. When she is close enough I put my hand on her shoulder, guiding her in, and close the door behind us.

"Sit," I tell her, giving her shoulder a small squeeze to comfort her. She hesitates, looking very nervous, so I give her a small nudge forward.

"What's the simulation?" she asks, her voice shaking.

"Ever hear the phrase 'face your fears'? Well, we take that literally," I tell her, entering the information in the computer linked to the machine. "The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation."

"Do you ever administer the aptitude tests?" she asks.

"No, I avoid Stiffs as much as possible," I reply, keeping my voice level despite the dryness in my mouth I get whenever I think of Abnegation.

"Why?" she asks. _She asks too many questions for her own good._

"Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?" I finish inputting the information. I take the syringe from a small tray on the table beside it and walk over so I'm standing directly in front of her.

"Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?" she asks, looking me in the eyes now.

I brush her hair aside from her neck. I feel her body tense. _Probably just the big, scary needle I'm holding._ I tap the plunger, letting her know that we need to start.

"An injection?" she asks, looking absolutely terrified.

"We use a more advanced version of the simulation here; a different serum, no wires or electrodes for you," I explain.

"How does it work without wires?"

"Well, I have wires so I can see what's going on, but for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."

She relaxes a little, so I push the serum in to her neck. She winces a little, but tries to put on a brave face.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test; in addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdale, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions-like fear-and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down- that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

I can see she is still extremely nervous. I cup my hands around her face and lean in so my nose is touching hers. "Be brave, Tris. The first time is always the hardest," I whisper. I look in to her eyes until she loses consciousness.

I walk over to the computer and plug myself in. I turn the machine and close my eyes. When I open them, I am watching Tris stand in a field, confused. A crow caws and latches on to her shoulder. It starts to peck at her shoulder, and she tries to punch it off. _Control yourself, Tris._ A roll of thunder comes from the sky, and a flock of crows swoops down of her. She falls over, screaming, as they dig in to her. She is screaming, trying to push them off. "Help!" she screams, "help!" She falls down and starts to sob, still crying out. I see something gleam in her eyes, and she tightens her body. I watch her breath deep. _Good, Tris, focus on your breathing. It will be over before you know it._

We are back in the simulation room. Tris screams and hits her arms repeatedly. She starts to cry and hugs her knees to her chest. I walk over to her and gently place my hand on her shoulder. She flings her fist on my stomach. "Don't touch me!" she screams, and sobs.

"It's over," I whisper to her gently. I hesitate for a second, and then shift my hand over her hair, trying to comfort her. She keeps crying and running her hands over her arms.

"Tris," I say. She starts to rock back and forth in the chair. I'm not quite sure what to do, but I know I need to get her out of here.

"Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms, okay?" I ask her, and start to help her out of the chair.

"No!" she snaps, and glares at me. "They can't see me, not like this," she whimpers, and wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Oh calm down," I tell her, rolling my eyes. The gentle approach won't work; I need to get to her pride to help her. "I'll take you out the back door," I offer.

"I don't need you to—" she says shaking.

"Nonsense," I reply firmly, and grab her arm. I steer her out of the room and down a hallway. After a while she stops and yanks her arm from my grasp.

"Why did you do that to me?" she demands. "What was the point of that? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!" She is practically screaming now.

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?"

"This isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice I show you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I'm not getting pecked to death by crows Four!" She starts to cry again. I'm not good with this, the whole emotion thing. I stand there awkwardly, watching her, waiting for her to finish. After a minute she stops.

"I want to go home," she croaks. _I'm not letting that happen. You can't quite yet._

"Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn," I say. "That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need to get the hell out of here, because we don't want you."

"I'm trying," she says, her lip trembling. "But I failed. I'm failing_." She really doesn't understand how strong she is, does she?_

I sigh. "How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"

"I don't know," she says, shaking her head. "A half hour, maybe?"

"Three minutes," I reply firmly. "You got out three times faster than the other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure." _And hopefully not Divergent._

She looks confused by my response. I smile a little. "Tomorrow you'll be better at this, you'll see."

"Tomorrow?" she asks, her mouth gaping.

I chuckle, and put my hand on her back, continuing to her dorm.

"What was your first hallucination?" she asks as we walk, glancing up at me.

"It wasn't a 'what' as much as a who'" I say, trying to stay calm. I shrug, "It's not important."

"And are you over that fear now?"

"Not yet." We reach the doors. I lean against the wall, and lean against the wall. I put my hands in my pockets nervously. Tris always makes me nervous. "I may never be," I tell her, and look at the ground.

"So they don't go away?"

"Sometimes they do. Other times new fears replace them." My fingers get twitchy thinking about how my fear of heights was somehow brought on, so I look my thumb around a belt loop. "But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it; that's the point." She nods, trying to understand the depth of my words.

"Anyways, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation," I tell her.

"What do you mean?"

I smile a little. "Well, are you really afraid of crows? When you see one, do you run away screaming?" I ask jokingly, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I guess not," she says, and looks down. I think about reaching out and taking her hand. She must have been thinking something similar, because as soon as the words enter my mind, she takes a step forward and tilts her head to the side.

"So what am I really afraid of?" she asks.

"I don't know," I reply. "Only you can know."

"I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this hard," she says. She is watching me now.

"It wasn't always like this, I'm told," I tell her, and shift my weight so I'm a few inches closer to her. "Being Dauntless, I mean."

"What changed?"

"The leadership. The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago, Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal. They said it was supposed to test people's strength. That changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Bet you can't guess who the leaders' new protégé is."

Tris looks as me, puzzled. "So if you were ranked first in your initiate class, what was Eric's rank?"

"Second."

"So he was their second choice for leadership, and you were there first," she says mainly to herself, trying to understand it.

"What makes you say that?" I ask her.

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants."

I don't respond. I never told anyone how Max tried recruiting me the day before our final ranks were announced, how he wanted me to work under him and train me to become the next great Dauntless leader, and now this Abnegation girl has figured it out in a matter of days.

She sniffs again and wipes around her eyes. I'm worried she will cry again.

"Do I look like I've been crying?" she asks.

"Hmm," I sound, leaning in close. _You look so beautiful, so real._ I start to smile, but hold it back. I want to tell her how I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, how I notice everything she does, how it scares me a little that I feel this was.

"No, Tris," I finally say. "You look tough as nails."

After I get back from taking Tris to the dorms, I finish with the few remaining initiates. When I'm done it's the middle of dinner, so I go to the dining hall. Zeke and Lauren aren't there, so I grab some food and go back to my room. Once I'm comfortably lying on my bed, I start to pick at my food. I think back to Tris's simulation, trying to remember if I noticed anything that might suggest Divergence. But I only remember the look of terror on her face, and me wishing so bad I could do something to help her.

I must have eaten some bad chicken, because a little later I start to feel a little sick. I decide to walk around to get some fresh air and clear my head. I wander through the maze of hallways. When I walk past the initiates' dorms, I notice a crumpled piece of paper lying just outside the door. I pick it up and unfold it. If I wasn't sick before, the words I read do the trick. My eyes see words like "Abnegation leaders" and "abusive" and I burst through the door.

"What is this?" I scream. "Is this a joke?" None of the initiates say anything; they all just look at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am.

"It was just to bug the Stiff," I hear a voice call from the back. I turn my head to see who it is. Peter; of course. I walk over there and before he realizes what's going on, I have him pinned up against the wall with my forearm to his throat.

I lean in so I'm right next to his ear. "Don't you ever call her a Stiff again, you got it? And those essays are a load of crap," I hiss, and drop him. He falls down against the wall, gasping for breath, but I don't care. I walk out of the room and don't look back.

After a little more walking, I find Lauren and Zeke with a group of some other Dauntless members. As I get closer I smell the alcohol in their breaths. "Hey man!" Zeke shouts. "Want some of this?" he asks, holding out a flask. Lauren giggles. "C'mon, Zeke, you know he doesn't," she says, and takes a sip for herself. _I am so fed up with people telling me about my life._ "Why not," I say, and grab the flask, and drink as the crowd cheers behind me.

Somehow we wind up by the chasm. Someone says something that I guess is funny, because I hear a wave of laughter. I start laughing, too, although I'm not sure why. I glance over and see Tris and her friends staring at me.

"Tris!" I call out before I can stop myself, and find myself walking towards her.

"You look different," I say. _Differently good._

"So do you," she replies. "What are you doing?"

"Flirting with death," I tell her. _And hopefully you!_ I start laughing at this thought. "Drinking near the chasm," I tell her, trying to continue the conversation. "Probably not a good idea."

"No, it isn't" she says hesitantly.

I notice something peeking from under the collar of your shirt. It looks like birds. "Didn't know you had a tattoo," I think aloud. _God, she's difficult to talk to. I know what I need!_ I take another swing from the flask. "Right. The crows," I think aloud again, remembering her simulation. I hear more laughter and look over at my friends, making fun of Lauren who looks thoroughly embarrassed.

"I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way," I tell her. Besides, I don't want to say something stupid to her.

"What way? Drunk?" she asks, indicating to the flask in my hand.

"Yeah…well, no." _Shut up, Four, before you say something stupid._ The little voice of sense inside my head shuts up, and I relax a little. "Real, I guess." _Real enough to tell you—_

Thankfully, she cuts me off before that thought became more drunk-word vomit. "I'll pretend I didn't," she says casually, and smiles at me.

"Nice of you," I tell her. Damn, she looks good. I decide that if I was ever going to tell her this, better now than never. I lean in so my lips are practically touching her cheek. "You look good, Tris."

I hear her breathing get heavier, and then she laughs. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm?"

"Of course," I tell her, and give her a wink. _Anything for you._

She smiles, and jogs back over to her friends. The skinny one, Will, says something and she elbows him in the ribs. I wish I could be that care free.

I walk back over to Lauren and Zeke. "What gives with the Stiff?" Lauren says, and hiccups. Zeke cracks up.

"Nothing," I mutter, and take another sip from my flask.

"Right, and I never kissed Lauren," Zeke says, and gives Lauren a sloppy kiss.

She starts laughing. "Well, you going to make a move?" she asks, and grabs Zeke's flask from him and finishes it off.

"Yeah, sure," I tell her, and roll my eyes. I'm not sure if I actually meant this, or if it was the alcohol speaking.

After I while I start to feel dizzy for Zeke and I go back to my room. He passes out almost immediately on my chair, and I stumble on to my bed. I pass out after that.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up the next morning with my head pounding. I try and remember what happened last night, but most of it is a blur. I only remember one thing: talking to Tris by the chasm. I groan. _She probably thinks I'm a total jackass now._ I drag myself out of bed and throw on some clean clothes, and head over to the dining hall. When I walk in Tris turns and looks at me. She blushes and turns back to her friends. I stare at her. _Yep, total jackass._

I slip in next to Zeke and Lauren, both of whom look like they just recovered from the flu. "Morning, sunshines," I say, and pour myself a cup of coffee.

"Shh, inside voices, please," Lauren groans and puts her head back on the table.

I laugh and get up from the table. I need to talk to Tris. I walk over to her table and stand behind her. Christina looks at me funny, and Tris turns and looks at my face.

I clear my throat. "Tris, can I talk to you? In private?" I ask. She nods and follows me out.

"So, about last night," I say awkwardly, and scratch the back of my head.

"Look, don't worry about it. I kept my promise," she replies, and smiles at me.

I smile back. "Good. Thanks," I say. We stand there in silence. "Um, see you at training later," I say.

The corners of her lips turn down, like she's disappointed. "Yeah, sure," she says and walks back in to the dining hall, and sits next to her friends.

I hit the wall next to me. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! I should have figured out a way to apologize to her, or at least ask her if I said anything dumb!_

I spend the rest of my morning in my room, thinking of what I'm going to say to Tris when I see her next. I lose track of time, and the next thing I know Lauren is pounding on my door, yelling at me to hurry up and get to the simulation room or I'm going to be late.

When I get over to the room, the initiates are already there, sitting in the hallway. Their eyes follow me as I walk in and close the door behind me. I turn the machine on and take a deep breath. The only thing on my mind is Tris. _Focus, Four. You have to be watching for signs of her Divergence._

I call in the initiates and watch as they watch their fears unfold before them yet again. I record the results and help each terror-stricken kid back to the dorms, until finally it's Tris's turn.

She comes in and sits down in the chair, looking just as nervous as yesterday.

"It's just a simulation, Tris," I tell her gently as I inject the serum into her neck. She takes a breath and nods.

She is not in the field again. Instead, she is sitting in a glass tank with the rest of her initiate class watching her. The tank slowly starts to fill with water, and she screams out for help. _Come on, Tris, just relax. _The other initiates mock her, and she bangs against the class.

"Help!" she screams. "Please! Please help!"

The water has now reached just under her nose. She takes a deep breath as the water rises above her head. I can see she's trying to calm herself down, but it isn't working, and she starts to panic again. I want so badly for this to be over.

She bangs on the glass again. This time, a small crack appears where her first hit it. She hits it again and the tank shatters. We are back in the room. My eyes are empty as she comes around. _Oh no._ _She broke the class; only one kind of person can do that._

"What?" she asks.

"How did you do that?" I demand.

"Do what?"

"Crack the glass.

"I don't know," she says. I grab her arm and drag her out into the back hallway. She must get tired of me dragging her around, because after a minute she takes her arm from my grasp.

"What?" she demands angrily.

"You're Divergent," I reply flatly. I'm not sure how much she knows about it, but from the look that crosses her face, I can tell she knows enough to know that the word is dangerous.

"What's Divergent?" she asks, leaning against the wall behind her. She's trying to act casual, but I can hear the strain in her voice.

"Don't play stupid. I suspected it last time, but this time it's obvious. You manipulated the simulation; you're Divergent. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to end up dead at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide it during the simulations!" I snap. I didn't mean for it to come out that angry, it just happened. I want so badly for her to be safe, to not have to deal with this. I don't want her to know that, though. "Now, if you'll excuse me," I say, and quickly walk back in to the simulation room and slam the door behind me. Once the door is shut, I sink to the floor_. I can't let her secret get out; I will protect her. I have to._

The few remaining initiates finish their simulations, and I decide to skip dinner. I can't eat now; I'm way too nervous for Tris. Instead, I spend my evening lying on my bed thinking about how I can protect Tris.

The next day is no better for her situation. I watch as a faceless woman forces her to shoot her family. When she comes around, she is panting.

"I know the simulation isn't real," she says in between breaths.

"You don't have to explain it to me," I reply grimly. "You love your family; you don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world."

"In the simulation is the only time I get to see them," she explains, scraping at her nail beds. "I miss them. Do you miss your family?"

"No," I say coldly, and look down. "I don't. But that's unusual."

She gets up from the chair and walks over to the door. She puts her hand on the knob, hesitates, and turns around and looks me in the eyes. I hold her gaze. _Her eyes are hauntingly beautiful._ Suddenly, before I can say anything, she turns the knob and sprints out of the room.

After all the initiates have finished stage two, I find Eric to update the rankings. It's obvious who is first now. I think back to the night Peter and his gang stabbed that Edward kid in the eyes. I shudder, and silently pray nothing like that happens to her.

After I finish with Eric, I head to the control room. I drew the short straw and got night duty. On my way, I pass the training room and watch Uriah shoot a muffin off of another Dauntless-born initiate's head. I watch Tris laugh as the girl takes a bite of the muffin. _God, she has a beautiful laugh._ I refocus and continue toward the control room.

Even though I don't do much, the time goes by quickly. I spent most of my time thinking about Tris, and hoping nothing has happened to her. Finally my shift is up. I'm walking back to my room when I hear a high-pitched scream_. _I run towards the noise, and end up at the chasm. I see three boys holding a hooded figure over the rail. Then I recognize the figure: Tris. What I did next I don't quite remember, because I just blacked out from all my rage.

I keep running through the compound. My thoughts are racing through my head, pounding. I remember seeing the one boy, Peter, groping her, and wishing he were dead. I remember catching one of the others, Drew, running away, and punching him over and over, barely being able to stop myself from killing him.

Eventually I end up in my room. I gently lie Tris down on my bed. I step back and stare ate her. _How could they do that to her?_ I keep picturing the scene I saw: her body hanging over the railing, so tiny and bruised, and the look of pure evil in Peter's eyes as he ran away cowardly. I lift my hand up to her tensed face. I gently trace the outline of her cheeks, her nose, her eyes, her lips.

I stand up, and walk over to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. Could be worse, I think, and turn the faucet on. I put my hands, the blood barely dried, under the cool water, staining it pink. It stings, but in a good way. I turn the faucet off, dry my hands, and grab and ice pack from my small refrigerator.

"Your hands," I hear her say. Her voice is cracked from the choking, and I tense. _What I would give to be alone in a room with the son of a_…I snap back to reality. _Focus._

"My hands are none of your concern." I move the ice pack to the back of her head, where I can still see the bump. I see her wince and I place it on the raw injury. Her hand moves up hesitantly, and touches the corner of my lip. "Tris," I force out, fighting the urge to grab her hand, "I'm all right."

"Why were you there?" she asks as her hand drops.

I can't tell her that I've been watching her since the paintball game. "I was coming back from the control room. I heard a scream."

"What did you do to them?" she asks, looking at the injuries on my face. I tell her about Drew, Peter, and Al, how two got away, but the other one not so much.

"Is he in bad shape?"

"He'll live," I tell her. _Unfortunately_. I smirk, "In what condition I can't say."

She squeezes my arm, and electricity runs through me. "Good," she croaks out.

I crouch down so I am at her eye level. I look at her, forcing myself not to lean in and kiss her right then and there. I lift the arm she is still squeezing and gently trace her jawline with my thumb. "I could report this," I tell her. _Or worse._

"No; I don't want them to think I'm scared," she says with a look of fierceness in her eyes.

I nod, still tracing her soft face. "I figured you would say that."

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"

"I'll help you," I reply, and grab her shoulder with one hand, supporting her head with the other. I realize for the first time just how tiny she actually is.

I hand her the ice pack. "You can let yourself be in pain. It's just me here."

She bites her lip and starts to cry. I don't want to force my help on her, but I have to do something. "I suggest you rely on your transfer friends from now on," I tell her. Advice will work for now. I hope she chooses to use it.

"I thought I was. But Al…" She presses her hand to her forehead and rocks back and forth. _I can't just watch this._

"He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl from Abnegation," I tell her softly, inching closer. I hope she doesn't notice I'm closing the distance. "He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."

She nods back. My advice clearly isn't sinking through.

"The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real," I offer. She looks confused, and raises her eyebrow. "You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?"

"Yes, I do." I tell her reassuringly. I take the icepack. My fingers briefly brush hers, but it's enough to send shivers down my spine. I like that feeling. I hold the pack to my own head now, starting to feel the one good punch the punk I captured got in. I feel her hands relax their grip on my arm, and drop. I stand up and walk across the room towards my lone closet. "You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you, but you should let that bruise on your check show, and keep your head down," I tell her.

She lifts her head up, and looks into my eyes with a horrified look. "I don't think I can do that," she says coldly.

"You have to."

"I don't think you get it," she practically screams. "They touched me."

At that, my entire body tightens. I can't help it; I grip the ice pack so hard it starts to leak. A hundred different forms of torture that I can do the idiots who did this to her start running through my mind. "Touched you," I say, whispering coldly.

"Not…in the way you're thinking." I still don't relax. "But…almost."

I can't say anything, do anything. I am completely consumed by hatred and revenge. The thought of them touching her…

"What is it?" she asks quietly.

"I don't want to say this, but I feel like I have to. It's more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?" Even though I want so badly to hurt the boys who did this to her, a voice in the back of my mind reminds me that I have to protect her. He Divergence has to remain a secret. She has to be safe. I tell myself this over and over until I fall asleep.

She nods. I step towards her again. "But please, when you see an opportunity…" I take her cheek softly in my hand, tilting her face up so she is looking straight into my eyes. "Ruin them."

She laughs, but with a hint of nervousness. "You're a little scary, Four."

"Do me a favor, and don't call me that."

"What should I call you, then?"

I take my hand from her cheek. "Nothing…yet." Soon she will know.

I turn back towards the closet. "Four?" she whispers softly. I turn back towards her and raise an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Would…it be ok if I stayed here tonight?" She looks at me for a second, then looks down and starts playing with a loose string in her shirt.

"Like I would let you back near those monsters," I say coldly. I let her sleep in my bed. I get an extra blanket for her, and give her an old t-shirt to sleep in. She goes in to the bathroom to change. She accidentally leaves the door open a crack. As I lay a blanket on the floor for me to sleep on, I glance over. I watch her struggle to take her old shirt off, and she starts to sob a little. I want to say something, but I don't want her to know I'm watching. I instead focus on the smoothness of her back, of her new muscles that have begun to define themselves. She puts on my shirt, and a smile creeps at the corners of my mouth. I like seeing her in my clothes. I turn away just in time, as she comes out of the bathroom. She climbs into bed, and I lay down on the floor, my hands under my head.

"Four?" she whispers.

"What?" I whisper back.

"Goodnight," she says, yawning.

"Goodnight," I whisper back in my head. I smile and turn on my side away from her.


	10. Chapter 10

I wake up panting. Another nightmare about Marcus. His cold and uncaring voice rings in my head. "It's for your own good, boy." I shudder, and slowly stand up. I can't just sit here-I need to do something. I grab my jacket and leave, careful not to wake Tris.

It's wrong, I tell myself. You're her instructor; you're 18, and she's only 16. These thoughts keep going through my head and I walk towards the training room. I eventually get there, and slowly open the door. No one is in there, so I walk in and close the door behind me. I turn the light on and walk over to the cabinet where they keep the guns. Supposedly, Eric changed the lock after some on the initiates stole one of the knives from the room and killed the first ranked, but the fact that I got in here with no problems tells me that he really didn't. I select my favorite gun, Annabelle, and grab two rounds. I pause, think, and then grab another two. This is going to be a long night, I think, and sigh. I walk over to the lone remaining target hung on the wall from today's earlier training.

You're her instructor. Bang.

You're 18; she's only 16. Bang.

But…she's Abnegation. Like me. I haven't seen another since I left. Bang. I shudder. It's uncontrollable, the shuddering. Father, I think. The reason I left in the first place. Bang. Bang. Bang. I shake the thought out of my head. No, you left him behind when you chose Dauntless. I know if I hold this gun any longer the flashbacks will return so I half jog back to the cabinet, and hang the gun back in its place, and throw the remaining rounds in the box. I walk back over to the target. Six holes are scattered around the center circle. I rip it from the wall, and run out of the room.

I don't exactly know where I'm headed, but I keep running anyways. Eventually I end up at the chasm. I look down at the roaring waters. I was here only hours ago. The memories of Trus's beaten body start to come back into my mind, but I force myself back into reality, and throw the target down in the chasm.

I know Tris will be up soon, so I head back to my room, taking my time. I quietly open the door and walk in. I sit down next to where Tris's head is lying on my pillow. I lift my hand and gently graze her jaw bone, then her temple, then her hairline. She mumbles something, but I can't quite tell what she said. She starts turning in her sleep. "No, no!" she starts screaming, and begins to thrash. I hold her body down so she won't fall off of the bed. She starts sobbing. "Four, Four!" she screams, and calms down a little, until she is silently crying. It hurts me to watch her, this beautiful, strong, tiny little girl, be in this much pain, and know I can't help her. "I know," I whisper. I stay awake the rest of the nights, just watching her, calming her as her nightmares come and go.

When I see the first signs of day, I check my watch. It says it's six in the morning, so I decide to get ready. I walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I turn the shower on, strip down, and stand in it, allowing the scalding water to burn my skin. After a few more minutes of this, I decide my head is clear enough, so I step out and wrap a towel around my waist. I throw on the first clean clothes I can find. I step out of the bathroom with the towel on my shoulder, and see Tris sitting up in bed, her hair in a messy bun. _Beautiful,_ I tell myself, and force myself to focus, and walk over to her.

"Hi," she croaks. I gently run my fingertips over the bruise on her cheek. "Not bad," I tell her. "How's your head?"

"Fine," she says, but I know she is lying. She touches the bump on the back of her head, and I wince with her as I see the pain overtake her face.

I drop my hand down to the side where Peter kicked her. Tingles go through my hand as I feel her warmth through my shirt she's wearing, and my throat tightens. "And your side?" I force out, clearing my throats.

"Only hurts when I breathe."

I'm glad to hear her sense of humor is still there. I smile. "Not much you can do about that."

"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."

"Well, I would only go if there was cake." She laughs at my comment, but I can see it hurts her. She grabs the hand I still have on her rib cage. I slide it back slowly, scared of what I might do if I let it linger. I nod to her, indicating that we have to go to breakfast now. We walk slowly next to each until we reach the dining hall, and I turn and face her. "I'll go in first," I tell her, hesitating, and add "See you soon, Tris."

I walk over to my usual spot with Lauren and Zeke. I glance back right before I sit down, making sure she's following my advice. I see her sit down next to Christina with her head down, and I take my own seat. "Dude, where were you last night? We waited for you, but we couldn't wait any longer for the train," Zeke asks, throwing a roll at my head. I dodge out the way. "I had something I had to take care of,' I tell him, and shoot Tris a quick glance over my shoulder. I hear the doors to the dining hall open and I look over. I see Drew walk in, and my body tenses. He looks at me, and we make eye contact. I don't have to wait for his reaction to know that my eyes are full of pure hatred. He quickly turns away and ducks in between his friends.

"Four, what happened last night?" Lauren asks, pointing to the bruise on my face. "Peter, Drew, and Al attacked Tris. They…touched her," I tell them, my voice full of hate. Lauren's eyes go wide. "Oh my God, is she okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, she's fine."

"These initiates get more twisted every year, ever since Erik took over," Zeke says, ripping a bit from his bagel.

"Yeah, well, what can we do?" Lauren asks him. I decide I don't want to discuss this any longer, so I get up and walk between the initiates' tables. "Transfers," I shout. 'We're doing something different today. Follow me." They all rise, and follow me out of the dining hall.

We walk down through the pit until we are at the glass wall. I start climbing, forcing myself to control my breathing in front of the initiates. Finally, I reach the top. I grab the ground, mentally thanking it for its stability, and then refocus back on helping the transfers up. When most of them are on the new path, I lead them down it. After a minute I turn around to make sure they are all there, and see Drew with his swollen face lagging behind. _Might as well have a little fun at his expense._

"Pick up the pace, Drew," I call out. I look for Tris to watch her reaction to this joke only the two of us can truly understand. I see the gleam in her eyes as she laughs, but that's not what stands out to me; it's her wrapped around friend Will's arm. I feel a bubble of anger rise to my throat, and the small smile that was on my lips quickly drops. I've never felt like this before. Am I actually _jealous_ of him? I turn back around and lead the group up a metal staircase in silence. I lead them through the Dauntless training facilities and into a short, concrete hallway. I stop and face the group.

"This is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape," I tell them. "It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it'll look like the next time you see it. Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that, in the fear landscape, you are aware that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through." I glance around to make sure they are following me. Most of them look tired or bored, so I continue. "The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have. I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body-to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two, to keep a level head."

I try to explain the simulation to them as quickly as I can. I try to be up here as little as I can. The room makes me nervous. My eyes find Tris in the crowd. Somehow just seeing her calms me down. "Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders," I continue to tell the group, my eyes never leaving Tris's face. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighed more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighed heaviest of all. Understood?" They all nod.

"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation deeper, for example," I shrug. Unfortunately, that's the only way I've been able to get past mine. Two of my fears have too many painful memories to calm down, one I can't avoid, and the last, well, I just can't calm myself down. "I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."

"That doesn't sound fair," Peter calls out somewhere from the back of the group. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."

I flash back to last night, of the image of him dangling Tris over the chasm rail like a flag, of his touching her. The idea of him talking about fairness now is hysterical to me, and I can't control myself; I start laughing. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?" I slowly start walking towards him. The initiates make a path for me-they can see I'm going in for the kill.

"I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly prove you're a coward." My voice is hard and full of hate-deadly. Peter stares back at me, remembering the beating I gave Drew and his narrow escape.

"So now we all know that you're afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation," I say, my voice practically a whisper. The corners of my lips turn up in an evil smile. I turn and make my way back through the initiates. I see Tris's smile on her face as I walk by, and I smile back. After I explain how the landscape works, I dismiss them for the rest of the day.

Because I worked last night, I have the afternoon all to myself. I spend a good majority of my time throwing knives with Zeke and Lauren in the training room. I haven't gotten much sleep lately, so I decide to take nap after we finish. I guess I really needed that nap, because the next thing I know Lauren is shaking me awake and she's dressed in her pajamas.

"What time is it?" I grumble.

"Four," Lauren says, sniffling. Then do I notice the swollen, red eyes and the tears streaming down her face. "It's Al," she croaks, and starts to cry again. I pull her in to my arms and let her cry in to my shoulder until she's done.

By the time we get to the chasm, the Dauntless have finished the removal and cleanup of the body. It happens every year; one initiate can't take the pressure and doesn't want to become factionless, so the throw themselves over the rail and into the chasm. It's never affected me so much before. Maybe it's because it's my first group of initiates. Whatever the reason is, I feel a sadness in the pit of my stomach.

We can't face Eric's stupid "memorial ceremony," so I go back to my room with Lauren. I hear a knock on my door a few minutes later. When I open it, Zeke comes in and walks over to Lauren on my bed and starts patting her hair. He whispers words that I can only assume are soothing in to her ear as he tries to comfort her. I don't know how I fit in here anymore, so I leave them alone. I wander until I find where Eric was holding the ceremony until I find Tris at the end of a hallway.

"Tris," I say softly.

"What are you doing here?" she asks in a strained voice. I can tell she's been crying. "Shouldn't you be paying your respects?"

"Shouldn't you?" I know she and Al were friends, even if he did attack her. She still remembers him as the big, happy guy who tried to protect her.

"Can't pay respects when you don't have any," she grumbles, and covers her mouth. I see the tears start to form on the surface of her eyes. "I didn't mean that," she whispers.

"Ah," is all I can say. I know that she really does have no respects to pay him, but it's not out of hate; it's out of loss.

"This is ridiculous," she says angrily. "He throws himself off a ledge, and Eric's calling it brave? Eric, who had you throw knives as Al's head? He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?" She screeches the last few words.

"What do you want them to do? Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late," I say. I've never been good at comforting. I'm not sure exactly what to say.

"It's not about Al," she snaps. "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees throwing themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterwards? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's…I can't…" I hear her voice crack, and she shakes her head in her hands. I bit my lip, trying to decide if it's too risky to hold her.

"This would never have happened in Abnegation!" she shouts hysterically. "None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him, and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't care!"

As my eyes wander, trying to decide what to do next, I notice the camera on the wall above her. A wave of panic goes over me as I remember that whoever is in the control room probably just heard everything she said.

"Careful, Tris," I say quietly, keeping my eyes on the camera and hoping she notices.

"Is that all you can say? That I should be careful? That's it?" she scowls at me.

_She must have a death wish._ "You're as bad as Candor, you know that?" I grumble as I drag her further down the hallway, out of the camera's range. Once we are safe, I put my face close to hers just in case someone saw anything suspicious and sent anyone to check on us.

"I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully," I whisper, and grasp her shoulders firmly. They are watching you. _You_ in particular."

"Let go of me," she mutters. I realize how hard I'm grabbing her, so I loosen my grip and stand up straight.

"Are they watching you, too?" she whispers, barely audible.

_I can't tell her, not yet._ "I keep trying to help you but you refuse to be helped," I say gruffly.

"Oh, right. Your help," she snorts. "Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure is helpful.

I'm genuinely confused at this. "Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you," I tell her. "I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place."

She grabs the back of her neck, putting two and two together. For someone so smart, it sure did take her a while to get it.

"Why?" she finally says.

"Because you're from Abnegation and it's when you're acting selflessly that you're at your bravest," I explain. I watch her eyes trying to understand it all.

"If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away," I say after a minute of silence. "If the wrong people discover it…well, it wouldn't be good for you_." It wouldn't be good for either one of us._

"Why do they care about my intentions?" she asks.

"Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way, they want you to _think_ a certain way, so you're easy to understand, so you won't pose a threat to them." I bite the inside of my cheek, hoping I haven't said too much. I stare at Tris for a second, and find myself leaning in closer, my hand pressed against the wall next to her head.

"I don't understand," she says, looking down, "why they care what I think as long as I'm acting how they want me to."

"You're acting how they want you to now, but what happens when your Abnegation-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"

The spot between her eyebrows scrunches up as she thinks about this. She looks very cute doing this.

"I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that?" she says proudly. "I'm not weak you know. I can do this on my own.

I shake my head. _Tris, you have no idea how much you're going to need me._ "You think my first instinct is to protect you, because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff," I say, choking on the last word, "but you're wrong.

I lean my face closer and place my fingers under her chin and tilt her head up so she is looking right into my eyes. She needs to understand this. "My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press." I tighten my grip on "break" so she understands just how dangerous I really am, but her eyes seem unmoved. "But I resist it," I say softly, and loosen my grip again. Now she seems nervous.

"Why," she asks swallowing, "why is that your first instinct?"

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up," I explain. "I've seen it before; it's fascinating." My hand move around her head, grazing very inch, until it reaches the back of her neck. "Sometimes I just…want to see it again, want to see you awake."

She places her hands on my waist, and I feel my heart jump. She makes me so damn nervous. I think back to what I told myself in the training room earlier. _It's not right, you're her instructor._ I ignore the voice and place one hand on the small of her back and the other on her head. She leans in and presses her face in to my chest. I tense up, not used to this closeness, but then relax. I like this feeling, I like it a lot.

"Should I be crying?" she asks, her voice muffled by my shirt. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"You think I know anything about tears?" I tell her quietly. My voice stays in a monotone; I'm not sure what this feeling inside of me is.

"If I had forgiven him do you think he would be alive now?" she asks.

"I don't know," I tell her, moving my hand from her head to her cheek in my feeble attempts at comfort. She leans in to it. I feel the warmth of her cheek.

"I feel like it's my fault," she whispers.

"It isn't your fault," I respond, and move my head down so our foreheads are touching. It just seems right.

"But I should have. I should have forgiven him."

"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done," I say, and think back to all the times I could have defended him, or taken the time to help him after the lessons. "We just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."

I feel her frown, and she pulls back. She looks at me like she's trying to solve a puzzle.

"What faction did you come from, Four?" she asks. I realize I just said an old Abnegation saying. Crap.

"It doesn't matter," I reply quickly, lowering my gaze. "This is where I am now. Something you would all do well to remember for yourself."

She is just staring at me. I feel an urge to get closer to her, but I resist. I want nothing more than to kiss her, but I know I shouldn't, I can't. Instead, I kiss her forehead. She doesn't say anything; we stay like this for what seems like hours, with nothing and no one disturbing us.

While we stand there in our embrace, I realize two things: one, she has fallen for me completely, and two, that I feel the same way about her.


	11. Chapter 11

Tris and I spend a long time in the hallway, talking about deaths we've dealt with. I tell her about my friend Chance, who did the same thing during our initiation. I hold her tight as she lets her tears fall. After a while, we decide she should go back to the dorms before anyone notices her absence. I kiss her forehead one more time before she leaves, and watch her small figure walk in to the shadows.

I stay in the hallway, sitting against the wall. I close my eyes and try to hold on to the warmth of her skin on my hands and lips. Eventually the warmth turns to cold, and instead of Tris, I feel Chance's cold body after I dragged him out of the chasm. I think about how such an innocent life was lost, and how ever since Eric got power it's only gotten worse and worse. I know I can't go back to my room now, not with Chance's face burning in my mind. I know where I need to go.

I start to climb up the glass wall that leads to the fear landscape. I'm about half way up before I hear someone following me. It only takes me a second before I realize it's Tris. When I reach the room, I grab the box with the landscape's serum and a clean syringe. I wait at the entrance for Tris. When I hear her heavy breathing I speak.

"Since you're here, you might as well go with me," I say without looking at her.

"Into your fear landscape?" she asks timidly.

"Yes," I say. I hear her take a few steps towards me.

"I can do that?" she asks.

"The serum connects you to the program, but the program determines whose landscape you go through. And right now, it's set to put us through mine."

"You would let me see that?" she asks. I can hear the awe in her voice.

"Why else do you think I'm going in?" I say quietly. I keep my eyes on the floor. I'm scared that if I look at her, I will be too scared to let her see what makes me…me. "There are some things I want to show you."

I hold up the syringe and she pulls her hair away from her neck. I plunge the needle through her porcelain skin. I offer her the box with the syringe programmed for me. She hesitates for a second before taking the syringe out.

"I've never done this before," she says nervously.

"Right here," I tell her, and tap the spot on my neck. As she injects the serum in to my veins, her finger tips brush the skin on my neck. I feel them shake, and I smile to myself. _I make her nervous, too._

When she's done, I take the needle from her and place it with mine next to the door. I offer her my hand, and she accepts it. Her hands are warm and soft compared to mine, worn with years of damage. Without saying a word, I take in a deep breath and open the door into the landscape.

"See if you can figure out why they call me Four," I say, and we step in. I hear the door shut behind us, and I wait for the first fear to appear.

"What's your real name?" she asks, taking a step closer to me.

"See if you can figure that out, too."

Suddenly, we are standing atop a tall building. The wind is howling and the sky is a bright blue. My stomach rises in my throat, and I start hyperventilating. I have to put my arm around Tris to steady myself.

"We have to jump off, right?" she shouts over the loud wind. I can't speak; I'm too focused on trying to control my breathing. All I can do is nod my head.

"On three, okay?" she shouts. I nod in reply, and remind myself that it's Tris here with me, not someone trying to hurt me. I trust her.

"One, two, three!" she shouts, and drags me in to a run. We jump off the building into the sky. For a moment I feel weightless as the air screeches around me. I'm barely aware of the ground rapidly approaching our falling bodies, and then it hits me: the wave of intense panic of falling to my death. We hit the ground with a thud, and my breaths become more rapid.

"What's next?" she asks.

"It's—" I'm cut off by the walls that slam into us. One hits Tris and sends her flying, and she slams into me. The walls put themselves together. The space is so small, about the size of a closet. Memories of being trapped in the dark, musty closet in the attic from my childhood home resurface, and I start to shake. I can't stand it; I fall down and start to moan.

"Confinement," Tris says.

I can't respond to her. All I can do is moan in agony at the memories of being left in that damn closet alone for hours, with nothing to eat. I could hear everything from that closet, from my father hitting my brother to him and his many lovers.

"Hey, it's okay. Here," she says, guiding my arms around her small frame. We are positioned now so we are hugging extremely close, our faces right next to each other. I clutch at her back, desperate for something to pull me from my haunting memories. She wraps her arms around me in response.

"This is the first time I'm happy I'm so small," she laughs, trying to calm me down. _Her…comforting me._

"Mmhmm," I manage to say.

"We can't break out of here," she formulates out loud. "It's easier to face the fear head on, right? So what you need to do is make the space smaller; make it worse so it gets better, right?"

"Yes," I spit out, and gasp in another breath. It smells just like the attic closet, and I start to groan again.

"Okay. We'll have to crouch then. Ready?" Before I can answer, she pulls me down so we're huddled in a corner. She curls up and leans against my chest. I'm sitting with one leg up and the other curled under her in my feeble attempts to stop the walls from closing in.

"Ah, " I say, forcing the words out. "This is worse. This is definitely worse."

"Shh," she says. "Arms around me."

I know it's pointless to argue with her now, seeing as I can barely breath, so I obediently wrap my arms around her waist.

"The simulation measures your fear response," she says gently in to my ear, which is right next to her eye. "So if you can calm your heartbeat down, it will move on to the next one. Remember? So try to forget that we're here."

"Yeah? That easy, huh?" I rasp.

"You know, most boys would enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl," she responds equally as sarcastic.

I'm so desperate to get out of this fear. Out of all of them, this is always the hardest fear for me to get out of. I decide that sarcasm clearly isn't calming me down, so I drop the act.

"Not for claustrophobic people, Tris!" I snap.

"Okay, okay," she responds. I can tell by the tone in her voice she really is trying to help me. She takes my hand and places it on her chest, just above her heart. "Feel my heartbeat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," I say weakly.

"Feel how steady it is?"

Her heartbeat is far from steady. "It's fast," I point out. I know she isn't scared of small spaces; I just hope she isn't uncomfortable being this close to me.

"Yes, well, that has nothing to do with the box." _I knew she was uncomfortable_. I frown a little. "Every time you feel me breathe, you breathe. Focus on that."

For several breaths we sit in silence. Every time I feel her chest rise, I take in a deep breath, and every time it drops I let it out.

"Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from? Maybe talking about it will help us somehow," she says calmly, breaking the silence.

"Um…okay," I hesitate. I want her to realize who I really am by herself. I can't lie to her, but I can't tell her the whole truth. "This one is from my fantastic childhood. Punishments, the tiny closet upstairs…"

I don't have to explain any further. I can tell from the look on her face she understands what I went through.

"My mother kept out winter coats in our closet," she says, trying to sound casual.

Thinking about the closet has caused my breathing to rapidly increase. All I can about now is the surrounding walls closing in on me, no air, total darkness… "I don't," I gasp," I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay. Then I can talk. Ask me something."

"Okay," I ask. A smile creeps on the edges of my mouth as the perfect question formulates in my mind. I laugh a little, trying to imagine her response. "Why is your heart racing, Tris?"

I feel her cringe, and my smile grows. "Well, I…" She doesn't know what to say. "I barely know you. I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?" she snaps, and looks down. I can't see, but if I had to guess I would bet she's blushing.

"If we were if your fear landscape, would I be in?" I say quietly before I can think about what I just said.

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Of course you're not. But that's not what I meant."

She doesn't respond. I laugh, at both her sudden quietness and the fact she couldn't even come up with a good lie to my question. Suddenly, the walls fall down around us and the light shines on us, forcing me to squint for a second. I sigh, relieved to be free, and untangle slowly myself from her. I was actually enjoying being pressed against her.

I watch her wipe her hands on her jeans, and the same smile I had in the box reappears on my face. It's time to get my answer.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, because you're a terrible liar," I tell her.

"I think my aptitude test ruled that out pretty well," she says, and purses her lips.

I shake my head, thinking of how easily she got out of her simulation. "The aptitude tests tell you nothing."

She looks up at me now. "What are you trying to tell me? Your test isn't the reason you ended up Dauntless?"

"Not exactly, no. I—" I am cut off by a faint sound behind me. I know what the next fear is. I turn around and see the faceless woman standing there, her gun pointed at me. I know that if I move my hand to the right, I will find a gun with a single bullet waiting.

"You have to kill her," Tris whispers.

"Every single time," I say. This has always been my easiest fear to deal with, but I can never seem to shake it. The idea of using a weapon so powerful, that it can take a human life with one small press is horrific to me.

"She isn't real," Tris says, trying to reassure me.

"She looks real. It feels real." I bite my lip, dreading the idea of having to take yet another innocent life.

"If she was real, she would have killed you already."

"It's okay," I say, nodding my head. The easiest way is just to get it over with. "I'll just do it. This one's not…not so bad. Not as much panic involved." I gently pick up the gun and press the bullet in to place. I take my aim, and take a deep breath. _Just be done with it._ I pull the trigger, and the woman falls to the floor, bleeding from where the bullet shot her in the head. I drop the gun as fast as I can, not wanting to touch the vile thing.

"C'mon," she says, grabbing my arm. "Let's go. Keep moving."

My leg won't move. _You did this_, a voice rings in my head. _You took her life away._ I feel a tug on my arm, and see Tris trying to get me to get away from the body. We walk past the table for a few seconds before I hear the footsteps. I freeze. My last fear is one that has haunted me since I was nine, one that I know I will never get over.

"Here we go," I tell Tris. The footsteps stop just outside of the light around us, hiding in the shadows just enough so its features aren't noticeable. The figure steps in to the circle with the all-too familiar belt wrapped around his hands behind his back, I'm sure of it, wearing his usual Abnegation clothes. I look at the figure, my father, in his cold eyes, and all of my memories of beatings and him telling me I will never be good enough come flooding back again.

"Marcus," Tris whispers. I knew it would only be a matter of moments before she recognized him.

"Here's the part where you figure out my name," I say shakily.

"Is he…" Tris starts. Marcus takes another step towards me, and I inch back. I have never been able to face him. All I can do is take my beatings and try to forget.

"Tobias," she finally says, her voice full of recognition and shock. Marcus's long-lost song, finally found.

Marcus takes his hands out from behind his back.

"This is for your own good," he says, unwinding the belt from around his clenched hand. His voice rings in my head, and every muscles in my body is frozen with terror. My terror only worsens as the Marcus figures multiply, circling us. Each of the figures lets their belt drag next to them on the floor, and their eyes turn to black pits, the way I have always seen them. The original Marcus raises his belt and I instinctively shrink back to defend myself. My arms fly up, second nature to me, to protect myself. I wait for the familiar sting on my arm, but it doesn't come. I look and see the belt wrapped around Tris's arm. She grabs it and hits him in the shoulder. He lunges for her. _No! You will not hurt her! She is mine!_ I lunge in front of Tris, all my fear replaced by fury. Then we are back in the concrete hallway of the fear landscape.

"That's it?" she asks surprised. "Those were your worst fears? Why do you only have four…" her voice trails off as she understands my nickname. I don't hear anything she says after that. All I can do is stare at her, my lips parted slightly. I am completely amazed that she stood up to Marcus, that she was willing to take the force of the blow for me, that she tried to comfort me. I am amazed at how much she cares. I grab her arm and pull her, and embrace her so tightly that I'm sure she's struggling to breathe. I press my lips to her cheek and leave them there, every kiss trying to thank her. I bury my face in her neck, wanting to be as close to her as I can. She hesitates for a moment, then wraps her arms around me.

"Hey," she whispers. "We got through it."

I lift my head and look at her. She really has no idea what she just did for me, does she? I tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear and stare at her.

"You got me through it," I whisper.

"Well, it's easy to be brave when they're not your fears." She drops her hands and nervously wipes them on her jeans. I take her hand, needing to feel her again. I know what we are going to do next.

"Come on," I say, and lace my fingers through hers. "I have something else to show you."

We walk silently hand in hand through the Pit. I can tell she is nervous by the way she keeps adjusting her hand in mine. I remember that this is all new to her, the public display of affection.

"So," she says, breaking the silence. "Four fears."

I nod. "Four fears then, four fears now. They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but I still haven't made any progress." This has always disappointed me. I know that at least two of my fears will never go away, but being scared of heights has always bugged me, especially since half the things I do require climbing high places.

"You can't be fearless, remember? You still care about things. About your life."

"I know," I say, and sigh. We walk the rest of the way in silence again. Finally, we reach the lone beach along the chasm

"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results," she says.

"Ah," I say, scratching my neck. I really don't want to tell her about my Divergence. It would only put her in more danger. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes, I want to know," she presses.

"How demanding are you?" I ask wryly, and smile.

When we come to the rocks, I lead her up the safest way until we reach my favorite rock. We sit down, and I allow myself to relax. I have always loved coming here. It's my oasis, my escape from the hectic life in the Dauntless compound. I let go of her hand and run my finger over the smooth edge of the rock.

"There are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends," I explain, trying to make up for keeping this secret from her. She doesn't say anything. Instead, she clenches her hands together. I frown; she is clearly upset.

"My result was as expected," I say, deciding to share a little. "Abnegation."

"Oh," she says, sounding disappointed. "But you chose Dauntless anyway?"

"Out of necessity."

"Why did you have to leave?"

My bite my lip and look out over the chasm. She doesn't press the matter further, and I assume she can guess my reason after she felt the belt.

"You had to get away from your dad," she states. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"

I shrug. "That, and I've always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."

"But you're incredible," she says, sounding shocked. She clears her throat. "I mean, by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"

I don't really have an explanation for her. Yes, I have always stood out here, but I'm not sure why. I could tell her how I felt that even though I was away from Marcus, I still needed to be able to defend myself and that made me work myself harder, but that would lead to more questions and more lies than I would like.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you're trained to forget yourself, so when you're in danger it becomes your first instinct. I could belong to Abnegation just as easily." I see this strikes something in her. Her eyes light up, and I know she's thinking about her own Abnegation instincts.

"Yeah, well, I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I try to be," she says flatly.

"That's not entirely true," I tell her, and smile. "That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me-that selfless girl, that's not you?"

Her forehead burrows, thinking about what I just said. She frowns. "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?" she says.

"I like to observe people," I say, my heart thumping.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar," she says. I have no response. Instead I cover her hand with mine.

"Fine, I say, and lean my face closer to her. "I watched you because I like you." I say it in a monotone, but inside my head is buzzing at the truth of what I just said_. I like you_. I didn't even think about it, it just came out. I look her in the eyes. "And don't call me Four, okay? It's nice to hear my name again.

I see her cheeks turn pink. "But you're older than I am…Tobias."

I smile at the sound of my name coming off her lips. _Tobias_. "Yes, that whopping two-year gap is insurmountable, isn't it?" I joke.

"I'm not trying to be self-deprecating," she says quickly. "I just don't get it. I'm younger I'm not pretty, I—"

I laugh loudly. _How can she think she's not pretty? She beautiful. God, girls and their self-images. _I kiss her temple, trying to show her how wrong I think she is.

"Don't pretend," she says scowling. "You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."

I decide it's not worth the effort to argue with her about this; her mind is clearly set. "Fine. You're not pretty. So?" To show her I really could not care less, I kiss her cheek. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart, and even though you found out about Marcus, you aren't giving me that look, like I'm a kicked puppy or something." I can't explain why, but to me this is the thing about her that stand out to me the most. Whenever people find out, they usually look at me with eyes full of pity. Can't they tell I just want to move on? But not Tris.

"Well, you're not," she says.

I look at her, and the next thing I know I am grabbing her face in my hands and leaning in. My lips brush hers gently. I look up and grin at her, silently thanking her for all that she has been through and seen, and still sitting here with me, acting like I'm her rock. I kiss her again, more firm this time. I know that my kissing her could lead to a lot of complications if anyone found out, but I don't care. I know that choosing her was the right choice.

After a few minutes we stop. We stand up, and I take her hand again. I walk her back to her dorm and, after making sure no one is watching, give her another quick kiss goodnight. I walk back to my room, and lay on my bed. I'm not entirely sure what will happen next, where we will go. All I know is that the moment I kissed her, we became completely bound, sharing a past, a present, and hopefully a future.


	12. Chapter 12

I wake up covered in sweat. Another nightmare. But this one was different-I wasn't trapped in a small closet, or being beaten by Marcus. I was forced to watch Tris get attacked by Eric. I groan and roll out of bed. I know there's no way I'm going to be sleeping for a while, so I walk over to the Hole. I climb up on to the net and look up at the sky. This is the one place here that I can see the stars. It reminds me of my peaceful life in Abnegation, before my mom died. I think about what my life would have been like if I had stayed; I think about be settling for a quiet girl, having two kids, and being a part of the Council. I would have never met Tris. I would never have gotten to kiss her. I smile as I think about last night. I had wanted to do that for a long time. I have an idea, but I hope it won't be too obvious about my motivation.

When I walk in to the dining hall for breakfast, my eyes glance over to Tris for a second. I see a smile cross her face. I'm not sure if it's because of last night, or if she recognizes my new Abnegation-style haircut. I know I can't sit by her without giving away something, so without another look I walk over and sit down next to Zeke.

"What's with the short hair, man?" Zeke asks.

"I'll take it over the sheepdog look," Lauren says, smacking him in the arm.

I shrug. "I don't know, I guess I just needed a change of pace. Things were getting boring around here," I say, and start picking at the pancake in front of me.

Lauren looks at me, and furrows in her eyebrows. "Abnegation! That's where I've seen that cut before!"

My feel my face turn bright red, so I look down, trying to focus on my food.

"Feeling homesick, are we?" Zeke says, and throws a grape at my face. I catch it and throw it right back, hitting him in the forehead.

"You know me, can't get enough of good old daddy," I grumble. Zeke is the only other person besides Lauren and Eric who knows about my past. He knows he shouldn't have said anything, so he just sits quietly. I glance over at Tris, who is talking to her friends. She lifts her head up and stares at me. I look at the expression on her face; it's a mix of hurt and relief. I turn back to Lauren and Zeke.

"What was that about?" Lauren asks.

"Never mind. C'mon, we have to get ready for the landscape," I respond. Lauren's face goes hard. She got picked to have her fears be shown this year, meaning that she will have to sit there while each initiate goes through each of her fears, suffering as long as they do.

We walk in silence to the fear landscape. As I get the syringes ready, Lauren breaks the silence.

"You can tell me if something happened between you two, you know," she says, letting the computer get all her data.

I hesitate for a minute. Lauren and I have been through a lot together; the least I can do is be honest with her.

"I kissed her. Last night, at the chasm," I say quietly, practically a whisper. She just stares at me in shock, and then starts laughing.

"And here we all thought you had no heart!" Lauren cackles.

"Yeah, well, I might not if Eric ever finds out and rips it out," I say. At that she stops laughing, understanding the truth behind my comment.

"Just…don't make it too obvious you like her," Lauren says, and skips out of the room to wait for the initiates.

I sit behind the computer, thinking about what I'm going to do when I see Tris again. Obviously I can't look at her-I'd end up making out with her right then and there. I decide the best thing is to just keep my eyes trained on anything else. When Lauren walks in with the initiates, I focus on the different scratches on the floor as she explains how the landscape will work. She assigns each of them one of her fears, and they line up to go. Tris is last. I don't pay attention to most of them. The only one I was truly interested in watching was Peter with public humiliation. I smirk to myself as his face turns bright red. Then it's Tris's turn.

Lauren I injects the serum into her neck, and she slips in to the kidnapping simulation. She is calm for a second, and then she starts to wiggle. They must be grabbing her, I decide. Then it goes bad. She starts screaming and flailing, and tears start pouring down her face. I can't take watching her suffer like this.

"Stop!" I shout sternly. Lauren looks at me, surprised, but flips the simulation off. Tris is still shaking on the floor. I march slowly over to her. I want so badly to wrap my arms around her, to tell her that everything is going to be alright, to comfort her. But I can't. Right now I am Four, her instructor.

"What the hell was that, Stiff?" I say sternly, flinching a little in the last word, and pull her up.

"I," she hiccups, "I didn't-"

"Get yourself together!" I shout. "This is pathetic." Okay, maybe I was a little too harsh. She looks at me for a second, and then her expression goes fierce. I see her arm go back, and feel a burn on my cheek as her fist makes contact.

"Shut up!" she screams, and yanks her arm from my grasp. She storms out of the room.

"Umm, well, I guess we're done. Enjoy your afternoon," Lauren says, confused about what just happened. The initiates shuffle out until just Lauren and I remain.

"What was that? Why did you treat her so mean?" Lauren asks harshly.

"I…I…" I stutter.

"You nothing! If you care about her, you will fix this. Go, make it right," she says, and pushes me out of the room. I know she's right, so I start to look for Tris. I stop suddenly. I know where she is.

I pace outside of Eric's office as I wait. I hear a door slam inside, and I know they're in there. I press my ear to the door, trying to hear what they are saying, but I can't make it out. _Dammit, Tris, you just had to see Caleb!_ I run my hands through my hair, trying to think of a way to help her. I can't let her face Eric's wrath. I open the door to Eric's office before I can convince myself to do otherwise.

"What are you doing?" I ask Eric.

Eric looks at me, his eyes full of fury. "Leave the room," he says loudly.

"No," I say sternly. I have to convince him she's no threat. "She's just a foolish girl. There's no need to drag her in here and interrogate her," I say calmly.

"Foolish girl," Eric snorts. "If she were just a foolish girl, she wouldn't be ranked first, now would she?"

_Eric has gotten smarter. If I can't convince him, she will have to._ I pinch my nose in the way I do when I'm trying to explain something obvious and look at Tris. She stares at me blankly for a moment before she catches on.

"I…I was embarrassed and didn't know what to do," she whimpers. I see tears start to form in her eyes, and notice the lump in her pocket. _Well played, Tris._ "I tried to…and…" she sniffles and looks at Eric with her big, blue, puppy dog eyes.

"You tried to what?" Eric asks, narrowing his eyes. As good as she may be I know she won't be able to keep this lie up. She showed her vulnerability, but for this to work I have to show disgust.

"Kiss me," I say. "And I rejected her, and she went running off like a five-year-old. There's really nothing to blame her for but stupidity."

Eric's eyes shift between me and Tris. Suddenly, he breaks out in his too-loud laugh that seems to go on forever.

"Isn't he a little too old for you, Tris?" he smirks at her.

She looks down, and wipes a fake tear from her cheek. "Can I go now?" she mumbles.

"Fine," Eric says, back to his normal self. "But you are not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again, you hear me?" He turns towards me, the fury returning to his eyes.

"And you had better make sure none of the transfers leave the compound again. And that none of the others try to kiss you." It takes every bit of my self-control not to tackle him and beat the living daylight out of him.

"Fine," I say, rolling my eyes. _Asshole._

Tris quietly walks out of the room.

"Hold up a minute, Four." Eric says as I start to step out of the room. I turn around and see him casually sitting in the chair behind his desk. "I saw the look on her face. She cares about you, and judging from your reaction I'd guess you care about her, too." I don't say anything, just stand there with my hand on the knob. "So, you hitting that? I bet she's pretty good," he smirks. That does it for me. The next thing I know, I lunge across his desk and kick him in the stomach.

"No, I am not 'hitting that'! I do not date, let alone have feelings for anyone; you sure as hell made sure of that!" I hiss into his face. I flash back to how he told all the girls in our initiate class after we passed initiation that I was a virgin. That pretty much ruined any chances I had with any of them. At least, until I stopped him from assaulting Lauren; then I was a hero.

Eric holds up his hands in defeat. "Whatever man. Just keep your initiates under control."

I leave the room, slamming the door behind me. I see Tris sitting against the wall, her arms wrapped around her legs. When she sees me, she stands up and crosses her arms, looking ashamed. I just look at her.

"What?" she finally asks.

"Are you alright?" I ask softly. I see a scratch on her cheek. God only knows what he did to her before I got there. I cradle my hand on her face, but she swats it away.

"Well, first I got reamed out in front of everyone, and then I had to chat with the woman who's trying to destroy my old faction, and then Eric almost tossed my friends out of Dauntless, so yeah, it's shaping up to be a pretty great day, Four," she says sarcastically. I frown when I hear her call me Four. I shake my head and look at the old building on the far right wall. She doesn't understand that everything I do is to protect her. All my choices are based on her now. I will always choose her.

"Why do you care anyway?" she continues. "You can be either cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend. You can't play both parts at the same time." _God, she will never understand!_

"I am not cruel," I say, scowling at her. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were…" I'm not sure how to finish my sentence. To be honest, I don't know what we are. I sigh. "You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill.

She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but promptly shuts it and looks at the floor. "You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them," she says weakly.

And you didn't have to run off to your brother just because I hurt you," I retort, and she looks even more embarrassed than she did before. I rub the back of my neck. I decide to quit while I'm ahead.

"Besides, it worked, didn't it?" I say more calm.

"At my expense."

I didn't think it would affect you this way," I admit. "Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you, that you're capable of being hurt."

I must have said something right, because suddenly I feel her lips briefly brush mine.

"You're brilliant, you know that?" she says, shaking her head. "You always know exactly what to do."

"Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time," I say, and kiss her again. I just can't get enough of her. "How would I handle it if you and I were…" I would finish my question, but a thought from earlier crosses my mind. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips.

"Did I hear you call me your boyfriend, Tris?" I ask slyly.

"Not exactly," she shrugs, but I see her cheeks turn brighter. "Why? Do you want me to?"

I put my hand behind her head and tilt her face so we're looking straight into each other's eyes. I'm not sure what I want to be to her. I want to be with her, that's the one thing I'm absolutely sure of. Then I realize something: I don't want her to _not_ call me her boyfriend.

"Yes," I tell her. Our moment is cut off by another concern. "Do you think we convinced him you're just a silly girl?" I ask.

"I hope so," she says. "Sometimes it helps to be small. I'm not sure I convinced the Erudite, though." This sparks another memory from a few weeks ago, while I was working in the control room.

"There's something I have to tell you," I say grimly.

"What is it?"

"Not now," I say, glancing at the cameras. "Meet me back here at eleven thirty. Don't tell anyone where you're going." She nods, and I take one last look at her beautiful face before leaving. I have to check a few things before our trip tonight.

I stand leaning against the wall as I wait for Tris. I hear her walking towards me and I stand straighter. When I see her, I don't say anything. I take her hand in silence and lead her out towards the train tracks. When I hear the train, I sprint and jump on, pulling in Tris behind me. She falls against me, so her head is leaning against my chest. I hold her like this, hoping the news I have to share won't completely ruin this night for us.

"What is it you need to tell me?" she shouts over the howling wind.

"Not now," I call back. I want this moment of happiness to last as long as possible. I pull her down do we're sitting against the car wall. I brush a piece of her hair off her face, and lean in to kiss her. Her warm cheeks feel so good under my hands. I move down and start kissing her neck. The train jolts, and she falls, grabbing my hip for support. Even after I feel her regain her balance, she keeps her hand there. This isn't like her, I think, but I like it so I don't move. Suddenly, she swings her leg around so she is straddling me. _Oh._ I sit up straighter, and place my hands on her shoulders to steady her. My fingers trail her spine and ribs, finding her jacket zipper. I unzip her jacket a few inches, and she grabs my thighs. I feel a lump start to form in my throat. _This is Tris. You want this_. Suddenly, every doubt I had about what I want vanishes. _I want her_. I stare in awe at her exposed skin. I notice the tattoos on her collar bone, and smile.

"Birds," I state. "Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask."

She smiles at me. "Ravens; one for each member of my family. Do you like them?" she asks.

I think it's absolutely beautiful. I pull her in closer, and kiss each of the ravens. I hear the screech of the wheels as the train comes to a stop. _Damn it._

"I hate to say this, but we have to get up now," I say. I grab her hand and we jump off the train. When we land, she looks at me puzzlingly. I point at the lit buildings near us to answer he look.

"Apparently the city ordinances mean nothing to them, because their lights will be on all night," I tell her, looking at the city.

"No one else has noticed?" she asks.

"I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it, but may be because they don't want to cause a problem over something so small," I say, shrugging. "But it made me wonder what they are doing that requires night light."

I turn to face her. "Two things you should know about me. The first is that I'm deeply suspicious of people in general. It's in my nature to expect the worst of them," I explain. Thank you, lovely childhood. "Second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers." I'm not quite sure where that gift came from, really. She nods, indicating for me to continue.

"A few weeks ago, before training started, I was at work and I found a way into the Dauntless secure files. Apparently we are not as skilled as the Erudite are at security," I tell her. "I discovered what looked like war plans. Thinly veiled commands, supply lists, maps, things like that. And those files were sent by Erudite."

"War?" she says, stunned. "War on Abnegation?"

I take her hand in another one of my feeble attempts to comfort her. "The faction that controls the government, yes." I see her eyes drop.

"All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against Abnegation," I explain. I glance up at the city, and picture a group of evil, glasses-wearing SOBs coming up with ways to get people to hate the most selfless people alive. "Evidently the Erudite now want to speed up the process. I have no idea what to do about it, or what could even be done."

"But why would the Erudite team up with Dauntless?" she says.

I don't answer her, letting her answer her own question. After a minute her eyes widen.

"They're going to use us," she whispers.

"I wonder how they plan to get us to fight," I muse.

"I don't know," she says flatly.

I take her hand again. We don't say anything as we wait for the train and on the ride home. When we get back to the compound, I tell her not to worry too much about it. I kiss her goodnight and slowly walk back to my room.

That night, I don't sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When I wake up the next morning, I can barely stand without passing out. All I could think of last night was Tris's comment about how the Erudite would get us to fight. I spend my morning in a haze, barely noticing how Lauren and Zeke are all over each other and how the initiates are all talking about the fear landscape. It takes me a minute before I remember that today is the final test, and tonight is the initiation ceremony. Crap.

I spend the rest of my day combining large cups of coffee and power naps. By the time dinner is served, I feel refreshed. When I walk in to the dining hall, I expect to find Tris eating with her friends, but I can't find her. I give up, and sit down next to Lauren and Zeke. He is whispering something in her ear and she giggles. Lauren looks up, and when she sees me staring at them, she blushes.

"What's going on?" I ask, sitting across from them.

Zeke shoots Lauren a sly look. "This little one couldn't keep her hands off of me last night, and well, you can guess the rest," he says, and nuzzles her neck.

"Zeke!" Lauren says, laughing. I roll my eyes and get up. I decide that watching the Dauntless-born initiates take their final tests is better than watching that gag-fest.

When I get up to the fear landscape, the first initiate has barely started. I am hardly paying attention to the monitors as I scan the crowd for Tris. Finally I see her. I try to make my way through, but the crowd is too thick and I can't. I sigh, and decide to find her after her test. I walk over into the examiners' room to get ready for my part of the big event. Eric is there, so I stand in the doorway, watching the girl punch at invisible things. When she finishes, Eric appears on the screen to my left. He congratulates her, and motions me over to give my instructions. I look in to the camera and explain to the transfers the order in which they will go. When I'm finished, I go back in to the room and lean back against my door post.

"I bet your little Stiff will make the bottom cuts," Eric says casually as he enters the room.

_He's not worth it_. I roll my eyes and watch the six transfers go. Then it's Tris's turn. Eric injects her with the serum, and the simulation begins.

I know the first fear will be the crows. Watch her clench her fists as the fake crows dig in to her shoulders, and her heart rate increases slightly. She starts fumbling the ground for something. When she finds what she's looking for, she points it upwards towards the sky. I smile. _Good work, Tris._ Suddenly, she is pounding the air. I'm guessing this is the tank. Something changes, and her heartbeat picks up. _Stay calm, Tris. Use your plan._ I watch her take a deep breath, and start hitting again, this time more determined. Suddenly, she lunges forward. She starts gasping and grabbing at things that only she sees. She lets out a grunt and jumps up. Her body tenses, and she starts to kick.

"No," she says calmly, and looks upwards. Her lips curl up. "I smell rain," she whispers, and starts to laugh. She lets out a scream, and moves her head to the side.

She calms herself, and brushes her shirt. She looks around her, and stares at something. She whips her head around, and her heart picks up its pace again. This is a fear she's never faced before, one she has to figure out. She moves her arms like she throws something to the side, like she's opening it, and crouches down. She places her hand next to her foot and her hand curls around something. She screams, and runs to one side. She crouches down again, and her eyebrows furrow like she's formulating a plan. _There you go._ She starts to crawl, and stands up. She turns around and she smiles. Her head tilts back and she closes her eyes. Her shoulders shrug, and her heart starts to beat _very_ fast. She pushes at something, and crosses her arms. She says something that I can't quite make out. The Dauntless leaders all break out in laughter at whatever just happened. She starts laughing into her hands, and then her face goes cold.

"No," she says. I can hear the tears forming in her eyes.

"Shut up!" she screams, and holds something up. She stands still, and then she collapses. I rush to the door to congratulate her. She lifts her head up, and I smile at her. Eric congratulates her, and she tries to respond, but I can tell something is preventing it. Eric calls over a woman who hands him a syringe filled with the same liquid that I was given earlier. I can't hear what everyone else is saying. All I'm focused on is Tris, and how she just completely killed her final test! After everyone congratulates her, they all leave-except for me, of course.

"I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face," I tell her. "Practically unheard of."

"You…you weren't watching the simulation?" she asks sheepishly.

"Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing," I explain. "They seemed impressed.

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four, but it will suffice," she says, smiling.

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first," I tell her confidently. We walk back in to the glass room, not wanting to arouse suspicion. Everywhere we walk people point at Tris and call out congratulations. When we reach the Pit, she stops.

"I have a question," she says, biting her lip. "How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"

"Nothing really. Why?" I ask. A look of relief washes over her face.

"No reason," she says, and casually kicks a pebble. Seeing her being so…normal after what she just went through impresses me so much. I decide we need a little time to celebrate _alone_.

"Do you have to go back to the dorms?" I ask her. "Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet." A look crosses her face, and I'm not entirely sure what it is.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Let's go," she says confidently, and pulls me towards my room.

We walk a while down the hall before we reach my room. I hold the door open for her, and she smiles sheepishly at me. I follow her in, and kick my shoes off. I feel a burning start to rise to my cheeks. _She makes me so nervous._

"Want some water?" I ask, trying to distract myself.

"No, thanks," she replies, clutching her hands together. I walk over to her and cradle her cheek in my hand. I can tell something's preoccupying her.

"You okay?" I ask, smiling at her. She nods her head slightly. I lean in and gently kiss her lips. I feel the usual hesitation, and then relaxation, but I also feel her cheeks get warmer. My heart starts to race in my chest. I start to take her jacket off her shoulders, and feel her shudder as it drops against the floor. Suddenly she pushes me back and stares at the floor.

"What, what's wrong?" God, I'm moving too fast, I knew it!

She shakes her head, which pisses me off. "Don't tell me it's nothing," I say sternly, but she still doesn't respond. _This is my fault; I should have taken her back here, shouldn't have pressured her into anything, it's all my fault!_ I grab her arm. "Hey. Look at me," I instruct her.

She slowly lifts her head and looks at my face. "Sometimes I wonder…what's in it for you. This, whatever it is." She says calmly.

"What's in it for me," I repeat. I imagine the softness of her hand, her warm smile, kissing her when she didn't abandon me after Marcus, accepting me. I shake my head. "You're an idiot, Tris," I tell her.

"I am not an idiot," she insists. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for um, you know…that," she says, and blushes.

"What? Sex?" I scowl. "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go tp." A pained look crosses her face, and she turns away. I realize the poor choice of words I said, and reach out to explain myself.

"I'm going to leave now," she mumbles before I get the chance, and starts to walk away. Well, shit.

"No, Tris," is say, and grab her wrist. I will not let her walk away like this. I pull her back in, and she tries to push me away with tears forming in her eyes. I grab her other arm until she stops struggling.

"I'm sorry I said that," I tell her. "What I meant was that you aren't like that, which I knew when I met you."

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape," she whispers, and her lip starts to tremble. "Did you know that?"

"What?" I ask, completely shocked. Her words really hurt. _The whole time I've been…with her, I've done nothing but try to make her safe and happy, and she's scared of me?_ "You're afraid of me?"

"Not you," she says, and bites her lip. "Being with you, with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and-"

I cut her off. "Tris," I say sternly, "I don't know what delusions you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too," I admit.

"Delusions?" she repeats. "You mean you haven't…" A look of understanding crosses her face. "Oh. _Oh._ I just assumed…um, you know." She looks beyond embarrassed, almost as much as I am.

"Well you assumed wrong," I mumble, and look away. _Great, so now she thinks I'm just a tool._ "You can tell me anything, you know." I tell her. I take her hand, hoping she can feel the truth behind my words. "I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise." She just stares at me. I kiss the spot between her eyebrows, then her nose, and then her mouth. My hands move up to her shoulders, and they feel a scratchy fabric. I pull back to examine it.

"Are you hurt?" I ask her.

"No, it's another tattoo. It's healed, I just wanted to keep it covered up," she explains.

"Can I see?" I ask, and she nods. I gently move her shirt shoulder away, and stare at the Abnegation symbol that is now there. I run my fingers over it, and smile.

"I have the same one on my back," I tell her, laughing.

"Really? Can I see?"

I press the bandage back on her skin and put her shirt back on her shoulder. I am avoiding the question. As much as I like the idea of her seeing me well, like that, it makes me uncomfortable.

"Are you asking me to undress?" I tease her.

A small laugh escapes her. "Only partially."

I nod, and whatever humor I was portraying fades from my face. I've never let anyone see me, I mean really see me, before. I take off my sweatshirt and throw it on my chair. I hesitate for another moment. _This is Tris. She cares._ With that reassurance, I pull my t-shirt over my head and hold it in my hand. I can't look her in the eye as she stares at me, so I focus on a pile of laundry in the corner.

"What is it?" she asks, sounding upset.

"I don't invite many people to look at me," I tell her. "Any people, actually."

"I can't imagine why," she gasps softly. "I mean, look at you." She slowly walks around me. When she gets to my back, she stops. I know what she is wondering about.

"I think we've made a mistake," I explain softly. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." I clear my throat. I've never told anyone this before, not even Zeke or Lauren. "I continually struggle with kindness." I hope this explains my harshness.

"No one's perfect," she whispers. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another bad thing replaces it." I feel her fingers brush a sport on my spine, and I shudder a little.

"We have to warn them, you know. Soon," she says, not moving.

"I know. We will." I turn around to face her. She looks into my eyes, not touching me.

"Is this scaring you, Tris?" I ask quietly.

"No," she croaks, and clears her throat to cover up her lie.. "Not really, I'm only…scared of what I want."

"What do you want?" I ask her. She doesn't respond. _Oh_. "Me?" I ask, and my face hardens.

She nods timidly, and I nod in response. I take her hands and guide them to my stomach, still unable to look her in the eyes. I move her hands up over my stomach muscles, my chest, and to my neck. I feel her shiver, and finally look at her. Her face is red and her lips are parted slightly.

"Someday," I say slowly, "if you still want me, we can…" I have to clear my throat, unable to say it. "We can…" I try again, but Tris smiles, letting me know I don't need to. She wraps her arms around my neck, and presses her face against my chest.

"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?" she whispers.

"Terrified," I admit, and smile. _Of course she will find a way to calm me down now._ She kisses the sport under my throat where her lips reach on me.

"Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore," she murmurs. I move my head down and kiss her slowly.

"Then everyone can call you Six," I tell her.

"Four and Six," she says, and we both relax a little. I kiss her again. This time, we don't break for a while.

We lye on my bed talking and kissing, until eventually we she falls asleep. I feel her heartbeat through her stomach where my hands are wrapped. I think about how perfectly our bodies fit together, like they were designed that way. I fall asleep with that wonderful, magnificent thought in my mind.


	14. Chapter 14

Tris wakes me up.

"Tobias, it's time to go to dinner and see the final rankings," Tris whispers into my ear, and kisses my neck.

"Well now I don't want to leave," I tell her, smiling. She smiles back at me, and jumps out of bed.

"Too bad," she says, and puts her jacket back on. I groan and climb out, searching the floor for my shirt. When I put it back on, I see Tris watching me, blushing.

"What?" I say, and walk over to her. I put my hands on her hips and she wraps her arms around my neck.

"Just…I feel better now. Thank you," she says, and kisses me.

"Thought we had dinner," I mumble.

"Dinner, shminner," she says, not breaking apart our lips.

I laugh and open the door for her. We walk down the hallway, not saying anything; we both understand it's too risky, but we still smile. When we reach the dining hall, she goes in first. I wait a second, saying 'hi' to another initiate, and go over to sit with Zeke and Lauren.

"Where were you? We've been waiting for like, ten minutes," Lauren asks.

"Probably hooking up with that little transfer of his," Zeke smirks. I blush and pick some food up from one of the trays.

Lauren's eyes go wide. "No!" she screeches, and covers her mouth.

"No is exactly right," I tell her sternly.

"Sure, sure," Zeke says, and turns his attention back to his giant plate of food. A microphone screeches from the front of the room, and Eric steps up to a podium. Everyone goes quiet.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite," he sneers, and the crowd laughs. After all this time it amazes me he can so easily put down his place of origin. "So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a3 slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations." The crowd erupts into a cheer.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you," Eric shouts over the crowd. _What a load of bull crap. He doesn't believe in any of those things!_

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked. The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combination of three scores-the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third, from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me."

Suddenly, the screen behind him flashes to life, and the list of initiates with their pictures appears. I am only looking for one name, and it's in the number one spot. I beam with pride. _I knew it._ I fight my way through the crowd towards Tris. When I find her, she is letting go of Uriah. I tap her on the shoulder, and she beams at me.

"You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" I ask.

"You know, I really don't care," she says. Suddenly, she leans up and kisses me. I crack my eyes after a second and see her friends gaping at us. _Whatever._ I brush my hand over her neck, and feel a bandage in the same spot where I was injected earlier. I guess they gave it to her, too. Suddenly, she breaks away from me, and stares at me in fear.

"Tris?" I ask her, confused. I hope she didn't regret kissing me publicly; I sure didn't.

"Not mow," she mutters, and shakes her head. My eyes sink a little. I thought we were passed the whole secrets thing. I guess she can tell I'm upset.

"Later, okay?" she says, and smiles a little. I nod, not wanting to push too much. The rest of the night is spent drinking booze and sitting alone while Lauren and Zeke are making out in a corner. After a couple hours, I get tired and head back to my room. The second I hit my bed I fall asleep.

I am woken by the sound of footprints coming from the hall. I peek outside and see the Dauntless marching in unison. I'm not sure what's going on, so I throw on my shoes and join them. I see Zeke so I jog over to him.

"What's going on?" I whisper. He doesn't respond so I tap his shoulder. Still no response.

"What gives man?' I ask, and grab his shoulder. When I see his eyes, and how his pupils are fully dilated and he is staring into nothing, I understand what Tris was trying to tell me earlier: the formula they injected us with earlier is doing this, this is how the Erudite are getting us to fight. This also means that Tris and I are fully awake, and if we don't play along we will be killed.

I follow the line of Dauntless zombies into an old meeting chamber, where guns are stacked on the tables. We each grab a gun and holster and head out towards the train tracks. We stand in a crowd until I hear the train horn. The front of the crowd breaks in to a sprint into the empty cars I follow the line and make my way in. Copying the person in front of me, I reach out to help the person behind me. The second I grab the skinny arm, I know who it is: Tris. I am relieved to see she is okay for now. We stand in neat rows, silent. _I have to let Tris know I'm awake, and that it will be okay._ I reach out my hand and lace my fingers through hers. We stand in silence, using each other to remind us that everything will be alright. The train starts to slow down, and I glance outside of the car. We are on the Abnegation border. _Oh God, she can't do this; she'll be discovered and killed._ When the train is almost stopped, I turn my head slightly towards her.

"Run," I hiss, my eyes forcing the command to her.

"My family," she says. The person in front of me jumps out and I follow. We walk through the streets with the sound of gun shots hanging in the air, and dead, bloody bodies all around us. While other units carry out unspoken orders, Tris and mine stays, guarding the tracks. In the corner of my eye I see Eric and another Dauntless leader, Emily, approach Tris.

"This is insane," Eric says, and pokes Tris's cheek. _Get your filthy hands off of her!_

"They really can't see or hear us?" Emily asks.

"Oh, they can see and hear," Eric responds. "They just aren't processing what they see and hear the same way. They receive commands from our computers in the transmitters we injected them with…" he explains, and touches the injection site on Tris's neck. _I swear to God…_ "and carry them out seamlessly. Eric walks over to me and places his face inches from my own. _Do not flinch, do not react. Protect Tris._

"Now, this is a happy sight," he smirks. "The legendary Four. No one's going to remember that I came in second now, are they? No one's going to ask me 'What was it like to train with the guy who only has four fears?'" He pulls out a gun and places it against my head. "Think anyone would notice if he accidentally got shot?"

"Go ahead," Emily tells him. "He's nothing now."

"Too bad you didn't just take Max up on his offer, Four. Well, too bad for you anyway," Eric says quietly. I hear the bullet click in to place, and I swallow the bulge in my throat. _You are saving Tris. It's okay._

In one quick motion, Tris lifts her gun up, puts a bullet into place, and presses it against the back of Eric's head.

"Get your gun away from his head," she says coldly. _No, Tris!_

"You won't shoot me," Eric says.

"Interesting theory," Tris replies. A gun shot goes off, and Eric screams. He grabs his foot, dropping his gun. I take this opportunity to draw my gun and shoot Emily in the leg. She falls down and Tris grabs my arm. We run through the streets, looking for shelter. I take her hand and start to lead her to an old shed that I used to hide from Marcus in. Suddenly, a shot is fired from behind us, and Tris falls down. I instantly am down beside her, making sure she is still alive.

"Run!" she yells.

"No," I tell her firmly. I help her up, but by the time I do, we are surrounded by Dauntless.

"Divergent rebels,' Eric says, trying to balance on one foot, "surrender your weapons."

We are lead to Abnegation headquarters. Tris is leaning on me heavily. I can tell the bullet wound is really hurting her. A guard opens a door to an office, and we are pushed inside. Jeanine spins around in a chair behind a desk. She hangs up the phone and faces us.

"Divergent rebels," our guard explains.

"Yes, I can see that,' she says, and takes off her hideous glasses.

"You," she says, pointing at Tris, "I expected. All the trouble with your aptitude test results made me suspicious from the beginning. But you," she says, facing me. She shakes her head, almost like she is disappointed. "You, Tobias- or should I call you Four? - managed to elude me. Everything about you checked out: test results, initiation simulations, everything. But here you are, nonetheless. Perhaps you can explain to me how that is?"

"You're the genius," I say coolly. "Why don't you tell me?"

Her mouths curls into a smile. It makes me sick. "My theory is that you really do belong in Abnegation, that your Divergence is weaker." _Ha. She has no idea._ She smiles even bigger.

"Your powers of deductive reasoning are stunning," I hiss. "Consider me awed." I know that she is only prolonging our sentence. "Now that your intelligence has been verified, you might want to get on with killing us," I tell her, and close my eyes. As much as I'm not ready to die, I can accept it; I would rather die than watch my friends, and Tris, be tortured. "You have a lot of Abnegation leaders left to murder, after all," I spit.

Jeanine doesn't react. She just stands there, smiling. I feel Tris lean a little more on me, so I wrap my arm around her for support.

"Don't be silly," Jeanine finally says. "There is no rush. You are both here for an extremely important purpose. You see, it perplexed me that the Divergent were immune to the serum that I developed, so I have been working to remedy that. I thought I might have, with the last batch, but as you know, I was wrong. Luckily I have another batch to test."

"Why bother?" Tris spits at her. Jeanine smirks back.

"I have had a question since I began the Dauntless project, and it was this," Jeanine says, running her finger over the desk. "Why are most of the Divergent weak-willed, God-fearing nobodies from Abnegation, of all factions?"

"Weak-willed," I laugh. "It requires strong will to manipulate a simulation, last time I checked. Weak-willed is mind-controlling an army because it's too hard for you to train one yourself."

"I am not a fool," she says. "A faction of intellectuals is no army. We are tired of being dominated by a bunch of self-righteous idiots who reject wealth and advancement, but we couldn't do this on our own. And your Dauntless leaders were all too happy to oblige me if I guaranteed them a place in our new, improved government."

"Improved," I snort. For geniuses, these guys sure are stupid.

"Yes, improved," Jeanine snaps. "Improved, and working toward a world in which people will live in wealth, comfort, and prosperity."

"At whose expense?" Tris mumbles. I can tell the blood loss is starting to affect her. "All that wealth…doesn't come from nowhere."

"Currently, the factionless are a drain on our resources," Jeanine tells us. "As is Abnegation. I am sure that once the remains of your old faction are absorbed into the Dauntless army, Candor will cooperate and we will finally be able to get on with things."

Her plan…it's horrid. _All those people, just forced into killing innocent people. She has no right to decide who is valuable or not._ "Get on with thing," I repeat bitterly. "Make no mistake," I say, my voice raised. "You will be dead before the day is out, you-"

"Perhaps if you could control your temper," Jeanine cuts me off, "you would not be in this situation to begin with, Tobias."

"I'm in this situation because you put me here," I yell at her. "The second you orchestrated an attack against innocent people."

"Innocent people," she says, laughing. "I find that a little finny, coming from you. I would expect Marcus's son to understand that not all those people are innocent. Can you tell me honestly that you wouldn't be happy to discover that your father was killed in the attack?"

"No," I admit. As much as it hurts me to agree with her on this point, I really wouldn't mind it. "But at least his evil didn't involve the widespread manipulation of an entire faction and the systematic murder of every political leader we have."

This point is hard to Jeanine to reply to. We stare at each other for a few seconds before she clears her throat.

"What I was going to say is that soon, dozens of the Abnegation and their young children will be my responsibility to keep in order, and it does not bode well for me that a large number of them may be Divergent like yourselves, incapable of being controlled by the simulations," she says, pacing in front of us. "Therefore, it was necessary that I develop a new form of the simulation to which they are not immune. I have been forced to reassess my own assumptions. That is where you come in. You are correct to say that you are strong-willed. I cannot control your will. But there are a few things I can control." She stops walking and faces Tris, whose head is now leaning against my shoulder, and me.

"I can control what you see and hear," Jeanine says calmly, "so I created a new serum that will adjust your surroundings to manipulate your will. Those who refuse to accept our leadership must be closely monitored." I had almost forgotten how cold and calculating she is. "You will the first subject, Tobias," she says, and my stomach churns at the thought of her controlling my mind. "Beatrice, however…" she turns and smiles down at Tris. "You are too injured to be of much use to me, so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting."

"No," I say firmly and coldly. My voice is trembling, but I still sound deadly. "I would rather die."

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," Jeanine says lightly.

Something snaps inside of me. She can hold me hostage, but she will never take away my will, let alone Tris's. Never. I swore I would keep Tris safe and happy, no matter what the cost, and I'm not about to break that promise. I kiss Tris roughly, letting it say all the words I can't, and leap across the desk and grab Jeanine's throat. The guards by the door grab me and shove me against the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tris lunging at me, but she gets slammed against the wall. She lets out a wail, and a little piece of me dies inside, knowing I'm the reason she's in pain. I see Jeanine coming toward me with a large needle, and in a last escape attempt, I elbow the guard to my right in the face. He takes the blow, but just as quickly hits me in the head with his gun. I feel a needle in my neck, and Tris screams, and I fall unconscious for a moment. When I come back, everything is so vivid. The lights are too bright, and I have mixed emotions about everyone in the room. I look for a familiar face, and when I think I find one, a blurry memory runs through my brain of her hitting me. I am confused by this. _There's no way she would do that to me._

"Tobias, Tobias!" the girl screams. Every fiber of my body is screaming at me to kill her.

"He doesn't know you," Jeanine says. Suddenly, my body lunges forward, and my hands are wrapped around the girl's throat. One of the guards pulls me off of her, and drags me out of the room. Once we are in the hallway, I feel an elbow hit the back of my head, and I pass out.

When I wake up, I am in a room filled with blinking computers with lines of mixed numbers and letters that mean nothing to me. I close my eyes, trying to remember something, anything of what happened to me. Don't let anyone touch the computers. Kill anyone who comes in here, a voice says in my head. I don't know whom or what it is, but I feel my muscles tense, obeying it. My legs move me towards a chair facing the door, and I sit down. My whole body is tensed, ready to attack any living thing. I'm not sure why I am doing this.

Suddenly, the door opens. A small, blonde girl walks in. "Tobias," she says. _Is that my name?_ _Kill her!_ The voice screams, and I see my arms raise a gun.

"Drop your weapon." The words come out of my mouth, but I don't remember thinking them.

"Tobias," the girl says, 'you're in a simulation." She slowly lowers her gun to her feet.

"Drop your weapon!" I hear myself scream again. _Why do I want to hurt her? She is the enemy,_ my head tells me.

"I did," she says calmly, but she is shaking. Suddenly she runs forward and grabs my wrists. My finger pulls the trigger, but it misses her head by a few inches. She kicks me in the side and twists my wrists, forcing the gun from my hands. She reaches out for it, my the voice controlling me forces my body to grab her and throw her against the wall. I stare at her. _Why is she so familiar? I don't want to hurt her. Kill her,_ the voice hisses again. I feel my arm go back and make contact with her jaw. Her arm blocks some of the force, and she returns my punch with a hard kick to my stomach. I catch her foot and throw her against the wall again. This time she falls, and my arm reaches out and grabs her by the hair, forcing her up against the wall, and she grabs my wrist. "Tobias," she croaks.

When she says that name, an image of me kissing her by the chasm pops into my head. The grip on her hair loosens, and a look of hope flashes into her eyes.

"Tobias, I know you're in there somewhere," she says. _Kill her now!_ the Voice orders again. I start to move towards her.

"Tobias, please. Please see me," she says whimpering, the tears forming in her eyes. "Please see me, Tobias, please!" she begs. She looks at me with pleading eyes, and places something in my hands; it's my gun I dropped. Without thinking, I place it to her head and click the bullet into its chamber. My heart stops for some reason. No, this is second nature to you, the voice commands, and my muscles relax a little, but not all the way. Standing here, with the bullet in place, absolutely terrifies me. A part of my mind knows that the serum will never be able to beat this out, because it is a deep-rooted fear that cannot be fixed. A memory of the girl seeing this fear, along with my others, enters my mind. _I trust her completely._ _No you do not; kill her!_ the voice screeches, pulsing in my head. The muscles in my arms don't move. I can't shoot her.

"Tobias, it's me," she says quietly, and steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. My body tenses, instinct telling me to rip her throat out, but my head telling me to hug her back. The two sides are at war in my head. _I will always choose this girl; I will always choose Tris._ Suddenly, the voice controlling my body is gone. My body starts to shake.

"Tris," I confirm. Before she can reply, I press my mouth against hers. I wrap my arms around her and lift her up. Words cannot describe how thankful I am right now. I place her down and trace every crevice on her face just to be sure she's real. I start to cry, something I rarely do. _She saved me…again._ She leans against my chest and cries with me. We stand there for I don't know how long, just holding each other.

"How did you do it?" she finally ask, my face still in my shirt.

"I don't know," I reply, my lips never leaving her head. "I just heard your voice."

She pulls back and stares at me. I look at her bruised face, and want to hurt myself for doing that to her.

"Was I running the simulation?" I ask.

"I don't know if you were running it so much as monitoring it," she tells me. "It's already complete. I have no idea how but Jeanine made it so it could work on its own.

I shake my head. The power that was so wrong, that could have done so much good…."It's incredible," I mumble. "Terrible, evil…but incredible."

Tris moves her eyes to the side, and her eyes widen. "Tobias, now!" she says. I don't have to ask what she mean; I am working on the computer, typing away the code Jeanine has set up. _Damn she's good…but not as good as me._ A gun shot goes off somewhere.

"Tobias," Tris says, a tone of urgency in her voice. _One last line…_I press the last button, and the program is down. I don't bother to look at the results.

"I have to get the data, or they'll just start the program again," I explain as I type away again. I delete what I can find, and it's easily enough to break up the program. I burn it and take out the hard drive. "Got it," I say, and hold up the drive triumphantly.

"We have to leave," Tris says, pointing at a screen.

"Yes, we do," I say, and place my arm around her. "Come on."

Tris and I walk to an elevator. When it opens, a body falls out. Tris lets out a small yelp. I look at the man's face; it's familiar, yet not. Then it hits me: it's Tris's father. I hold her tighter as the elevator carries us upwards toward the ground. When we reach our level, Tris runs out towards a boy who I assume is her brother, judging from their similar appearances. I start to follow her, but then I freeze, and my whole body turns to stone; Marcus is right behind them Memories of beatings and closets and bruises rise in my mind.

"Son," he says, moving towards me. I wince, knowing that any contact with him has always been bad.

"Hey," Tris says sternly, and steps between us and pushes him away. "Get away from him," she says. I want to say something, but I can't; all I can think about is not wanting to be hit. My breaths are coming short and rapidly.

"Stay away," she hisses. I hear the deadliness in her tone.

"Tris," I manage to say.

Marcus just gives her a confused look. "Not all the Erudite articles are full of lies," she says, glaring at him, never allowing him to create less space between us.

"What are you talking about?" he asks. "I don't know what you've been told, Beatrice, but-"

"The only reason I haven't shot you is because he's the one who should get to do it," she says, and steps toward him. I'm scared what she might do to him in the meantime, so I grab her arms to hold her back. "We have to go," I croak, and lead Tris toward the train tracks. "The train should be here any second."

I clench my jaw as we walk, forcing myself not to hit Marcus right now. I have to get us safe first.

"Sorry," Tris mutters.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I tell her, and intertwine our fingers. I am amazed by how willing she was to stand up to Marcus like that, to protect me.

"If we take the train in the opposite direction, out of the city instead of in, we can get to Amity headquarters," she says. "That's where the others went." Tris's brother says something, but I'm not really paying attention. My focus is only on two things right now: Tris and the approaching train. When it's close enough, I grab Tris and pull her on with me. I know she's not strong enough to do it herself. When we are in the car, she leans her head against my shoulder heavily. We have all been through a lot today, so I don't say anything, just let us rest quietly.

Caleb is sitting across from us, studying me. I don't really care about him; what I care about is protecting from Marcus and Peter, who are a mere ten feet away, which is too close for comfort. I pull Tris in so our foreheads are touching. Ever since I woke up from the simulation, I have had to be in contact with her in some physical way. I need this closeness.

"My parents," she says quietly, "they died today. They died for me."

"They loved you," I tell her. "To them, there was no better way to show you." She nods in response.

"You nearly died today," I point out. "I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me, Tris?"

"I couldn't do that," she replies quickly. "It would have been like shooting myself."

Any doubts about what I have to say next all fade away with her last sentence. I lean in close, close enough so only we can hear my next words.

"I have something to tell you," I whisper into her ear. She runs her finders over my arm and looks up at me, waiting for whatever it is I have to say.

"I might be in love with you," I say lightly, and smile a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."

"That's sensible of you," she says, and smiles back at me. "We should find you some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something." I laugh a little, and kiss her jaw.

"Maybe I'm already sure and I just don't want to frighten you," I mutter against her neck.

"Then you should know better," she says, laughing.

"Fine," I state. "Then I love you."

She kisses me, and doesn't break apart for a while. She sighs, and closes her eyes. I wrap my arms around her as the train carries us into our unknown future.

Through all that we've been through, I am only certain of two things: that we can trust no one now, and that Tris is my world; if she dies, I will shortly follow her. Everything I do, everything I choose is because of her. I will do anything and everything to make sure she stays safe. I'm not sure what life we will have, but I know it will be together.

**Thank you to all my readers! I love hearing your opinions, so please review if you haven't already. Writing this story was such a joy, and I can't wait to write another! Be looking for Tris's fear landscape with Tobias!) When Insurgent comes out, I will work on that from Four's POV as well.**

**Much love, LS**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys! So here it is, the first chapter to Insurgent from Four's POV! Enjoy :3**

I am woken by a jolt. I look down at Tris who is squirming and muttering something that I can't make out. I debate if I should wake her or not, but quickly decide on the latter. After the past day we've had, she deserves some sleep. I look outside and watch the scenery change as I reflect on what just happened to us. _Jeanine…serum…Abnegation…war._ The train's horn disrupts my jumbled thoughts, and I jump up. I take one last look at Tris's peaceful face before I wake her.

"Tris come on," I say, shaking her shoulder. When she opens her eyes, I see pain and guilt in them. I want to ask about it, but this is obviously neither the time nor the place. "We have to jump," I say, and help her up. The others jump out first. Tris takes my hand and we jump together. I guess my legs are still weak from the serum, because when I land I hit my knees, hard. I have to let go of Tris's hand to keep my face from hitting the dirt, too. A familiar pain comes back to me, and all the memories of being whipped by the belt in this position come flooding back.

"Okay?" Tris asks quietly. I nod my head, afraid I will scream if I open my mouth. I stand up and look to make sure everyone is okay.

"There are supposed to be Dauntless guards here. Where are they?" Marcus says.

"They were probably under the simulation," I say, trying to keep the venom in my voice to a minimum. "and now are…who knows where, doing who knows what." As much as I hate the man, we have all been through a lot, and pointing out his stupidity will not help things for anyone. Forgetting about Marcus, I walk over to the gate's keypad.

"I hope the Erudite didn't think to change this combination," I mumble, and type in the code. After I enter the last number, I hear a faint click and I know the gate is unlocked.

"How did you know that?" Caleb asks in awe.

"I worked in the Dauntless control room, monitoring the security system. We only change the codes twice a year," I explain.

"How lucky," Caleb says, and gives me a look. I quickly ignore it.

"Luck has nothing to do with it. I only worked there because I wanted to make sure I could get out," I tell him, keeping my voice flat. I open the gate and we all walk through, me leading the way. I hope Tris didn't catch my message in what I told Caleb. _That's something about me she doesn't need to know just yet. _I gently place my hand on Tris's lower back, steadying her, as we silently make our way towards Amity headquarters.

As we get closer, I start to see lights. When the last place we have to go through before we are at our destination is a large orchard, I see the large tree that is Amity. I start to lead our group through the orchard, but Marcus walks in front of me. "I know where to go," he says. I don't have the energy to start a pissing match, so I silently let him control yet another part of my life.

When we enter the grand room, the lights overwhelm me. Johnanna Reyes looks up from whatever she was doing when she hears us enter. "Oh, thank God," she says, and grabs Marcus's shoulders.

"The other members of your party got here a few hours ago, but they weren't sure if you had made it," she says, speaking directly to Marcus. She looks over the rest of us, and her eyes grow big over our bruises and blood.

"Oh my," she gasps. "I'll send for a doctor. I can grant you all permission to stay the night, but tomorrow our community must decide together. And they will likely not be enthusiastic about a Dauntless presence in our compound." She eyes Tris and me and she says this last sentence, and I know she has already formed a negative opinion of us. I of course ask you to turn over any weapons you might have."

I readily hand her the gun in my sock, but I stop Tris from turning over our only source of protection. I grab her hand and lace my fingers through hers, partially to cover up my stopping her, but also to let her know everything will be okay.

"My name is Johnanna Reyes," she says, and extends her hands towards me.

"This is-" Marcus says. Not this time.

"My name is Four," I say. I don't want to make it common knowledge that I am Marcus's son. "This is Tris, Caleb, and Peter."

"Welcome to Amity compound," she says, smiling. "Let us take care of you."

We gladly let the doctors treat us with salve. It feels good to have someone take care of me for once. I have to remind myself to enjoy it while it lasts, because I know we can't stay here for long. When Tris and I go back to the main hall, we are bombarded by people. Everyone wants to know what happened to us, how the simulation stop, what will happen next. I just shrug at them, supporting Tris. One of the Abnegation gives Tris something to drink, and I guess it had a medication in it judging from how fast she started to shrink in my arms. I excuse us and carry her down a hallway and into her assigned room. I cover her in the bed and sit down in chair to watch her sleep.

As she sleeps, I think about us. _What will happen know that I'm not her instructor? Should I keep us a secret still? And her brother…what will he think? Does she still want this?_ I quickly push that last thought out of my head. I know she did everything to protect me. Suddenly, the weight of the day hits me, and I realize I need to sleep, too. I drag myself to my room and as soon as I lie down I am out.


	16. Chapter 16

I wake up sweating. _It's too hot here. _I put on a shirt I find folded on a chair in the corner, and walk down the hallway until I find a bathroom. I splash some water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. There is a bruise on my cheek that is yellowing and a few cuts, but other than that I have no physical scars of the tragedy that I just went through. My stomach flips at the memory of the dead bodies everywhere. _I can't take this; I need her. She will make this go away._

I start down the hall towards Tris's room when I remember her gunshot wound. I stop an Amity nurse walking by and she gives me a bottle and dropper with some medicine. I ask her how everyone else is doing, and she informs me the other members of our party are all fine. She also tells me about the meeting in half an hour. I continue down the hall until I find the room I took her to last night.

I knock on the door and hear Tris say "come in." I open the door and see her on the end of the best, looking worn down and beautiful.

"The Amity are meeting in half an hour," I say, trying to start conversation. I tip my head to the side and raise my eyebrows. "To decide our fate." I say it lightly, but every word still feels heavy in my throat.

Tris shakes her head. Never thought my fate would be in the hands of a bunch of Amity," she grumbles.

"Me either," I say annoyed. "Oh, I brought you something," I say, reaching for the medicine. "Pain medicine. Take every six hours." I hand her the dropper and she quickly puts the medicine in her mouth.

I am studying her. To everyone else here, she looks the part of the hero who rescued us. But I know better. I know she witnessed things that I wished she would never have to, and I know there is something she is not telling me that is the worst part.

"How are you, Beatrice?" I ask her trying to act casual, looping my fingers through my belt loops and leaning against the door.

"Did you just call me Beatrice?" she asks, surprised. _Crap, too casual._

"Thought I would give it a try," I say with a half-smile on my face. "Not good?"

"Maybe on special occasions. Initiation Days, Choosing Days…" She is about to say something else, but catches herself.

"It's a deal," I say, respecting the holidays of our shared childhood home. But now I have to be serious. "How are you, Tris?"

Her smile fades, and she tenses. I wish she would just tell me whatever it is that is eating her up.

"I'm…" she says, trying to find the words. "I don't know, Four. I'm awake. I…" All the dread from the past two days comes rushing to her face. She is broken down. I want so bad to fix her, but I don't know how. I do the only thing I can think of to try and make her feel the least bit better: I run my thumb over her cheek and gently kiss her. She grabs my arm tightly, holding on to it like it's the only piece of me left. I break the kiss and she leans her head against me, and I know I have given her some comfort, if only for a moment.

"I know," I tell her, understanding the pain crushing her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

She looks at me with an expression of understanding on her face. I don't want to leave. Then I remember the meeting.

"I'll let you get ready," I tell her. I kiss her forehead once more, and close the door behind me.

I spend the time waiting for Tris to get ready by checking on how the rest of our group is doing. The Abnegation are all scared, but hiding it well as they scamper around the compound, living up to their faction's standards of help. The Dauntless are more pissed than upset. I find Lauren beating the life out of a door that won't open right, and I have to calm her down.

"Let go of me!" she shouts, trying to fight my grip around her waist. A couple of Amity walk by and give us quizzical looks, but don't question us.

"No," I say gruffly.

"Let me go, right now Four! I need this. This is how I deal with pain and disappointment. When they took the control over my own body away, they took away a piece of me. I need to find it again. You have no idea what that's like!" she shouts. Her words sting, but I don't say anything. Suddenly, she stops fighting me.

"Oh, Four, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I-"

"It's okay," I whisper. Lauren leans her head on my shoulder and cries. I wish I could cry, too, but I can't. I just can't.

Finally, it is time to collect Tris. I decide to find Caleb first, thinking it might be good for her to have him around. He is all the family she has left. When Tris opens her door, all I can do is stare. _Her hair, it's….short._

"You cut your hair," Caleb says_. No kidding_, I want to say, but hold my tongue. Now is definitely not the time to start a fight.

"Yeah," Tris says nervously. "It's…too hot for long hair." I know it's not the real reason she cut her hair.

"Fair enough," Caleb shrugs. I don't say anything, but lead the way towards the grand room for the meeting.

"Does everyone know you're Marcus's son?" Caleb asks suddenly. "The Abnegation, I mean."

"Not to my knowledge," I say calmly, but give him a look that says _and it will stay like that_. "And I would appreciate if you didn't mention it."

"I don't need to mention it. Anyone with eyes can see it for themselves," he states matter-of-factly. I want to punch him then and there for even thinking I have any resemblance to that pathetic excuse of a man. "How old are you, anyways?"

"Eighteen," I tell him.

"And you don't think you're a little too old to be with my little sister?"

His question makes me laugh. The idea that he thinks of Tris as a fragile little girl is just hilarious. "She isn't your little anything," I tell him.

"Stop it, both of you," Tris says, stopping us in our tracks. I can see that right now she can only handle one thing at a time, and this is obviously not what she wants to focus on. We continue into the room in silence. I guide Tris to a space on the side of the room that is between the Abnegation and Dauntless. I see the sweat starting to form from the humidity on the nape of her neck.

"I like your hair that way," I whisper into her neck, and we sit down. Tris leans against me and I silently stroke her new hair. Looking at the Abnegation in front of me, it hits me why I like it so much: it is Abnegation short, and reminds me of peace.

Johanna, who was standing at the front of the room, raises her hands, and the room falls silent. After several seconds, she lifts her head up.

"We have before us today, an urgent question," she begins. "which is: how will we conduct ourselves in this time of conflict as people who pursue peace?" The room is alive with chatter again, as the Amity share their opinions with each other on the answer.

"How do they get anything done?" Tris asks, confused.

"They don't care about efficiency," I explain. "They care about agreement. Watch."

Tris and I watch as the Amity slowly group together to form bigger circles, and each shares their equal opinion. If every faction was this way, we probably wouldn't be in this situation right now.

"This is bizarre," Tris comments quietly.

"I think it's beautiful," I tell her. She gives me a funny look and I can't help but laugh.

"What?" I ask with a smile. "They each have an equal role in government, they each feel equally responsible. And it makes them care; it makes them kind. I think that's beautiful."

"I think it's unsustainable," Tris comments. "Sure, it works for the Amity. But what happens when not everyone wants to strum banjos and grow crops? What happens when someone does something terrible and talking about it can't solve the problem?"

I don't have an answer for her other than the obvious one, so I just shrug. "I guess we'll find out."

The representatives from each group finally get up to talk with Johanna.

"They're not going to let us argue with them, are they," Tris points out.

"I doubt it." Suddenly, the room is silent again, and I notice Johanna at the front of the room with her head down.

"Our faction has had a close relationship with Erudite for as long as any of us can remember," she finally says. "We need each other to survive, and we have always cooperated with each other. But we have also had a strong relationship with Abnegation in the past, and we do not think it is right to evoke the hand of friendship when it has for so long been extended. We feel that the only way to preserve our relationships with both factions is to remain impartial and uninvolved. Your presence here, though welcome, complicates that."

A frown tugs at the corner of my mouth. _Only the Amity would flee in a time of war_.

"We have arrived at the conclusion that we will establish our faction headquarters as a safe house for members of all factions under a set of conditions," Johanna says. Relief floods through me, knowing we are safe, if even for a night. "The first is that no weaponry of any kind is allowed on the compound. The second is that if any serious conflict arises, whether verbal or physical, all involved parties will be asked to leave. The third is that conflict may not be discussed, even privately, within the confines of this compound. And the fourth is that everyone who stays here must contribute to the welfare of this environment by working. We will report this to Erudite, Candor, and Dauntless as soon as we can."

Johanna's gaze shifts directly over tome. "You are welcome to stay here if and only if you can abide by our rules. That is our decision." I understand her words exactly as she means them.

"We won't be able to stay long," Tris whispers under her breath.

"No," I say. Conflict is in my blood. I was literally raised by it. "We won't."

Tris and I don't talk about the meeting. We both know the reality of the situation, and it is too grim to mention. Instead, we explore the compound. At dinner, we eat in silence. We enjoy as much of the peace as we can. After we eat, I decide to do some private training in my room. I am mid-crunch when I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in," I say, standing up. The door opens, and I am surprised to see Caleb standing there. He looks down at my bare, tattooed chest and frowns.

"I need to talk to you about Tris," he says, and shuts the door behind him.

"What about her?" I ask, putting my shirt on.

"First of all, you two haven't…" he says, fiddling with a loose string on his sweater.

I am confused by his question for a moment, and then it hits me. "No," I say, and relief floods his face, along with blush.

"Good, good. I just…need to know that you aren't going to hurt her," he says.

"I couldn't if I tried," I explain. "She is the bravest person I know."

"What makes you say that?" he asks.

"One of the first things we do during Dauntless training is learn to throw knives. When a fellow initiate couldn't as was going to be hit with knives because of his lack of ability, Tris offered to step in his place. Each knife I threw just made her…braver. That's when I knew how incredible she was," I tell him.

"You threw knives at my sister?" he shrieks.

"Calm down, I only nicked her once, and it was on purpose," I roll my eyes.

He glares at me. "There's no way you have that good of aim."

I smile at him and take the knife out of my pocket. Without looking I hit the flower painted on the wall dead center. His eyes grow big.

"Can you teach me how to do that?" he asks.

"Sure," I say, retrieving the knife. "But we need a softer target."

Caleb pulls out a big chunk of cheese from dinner from his pocket. "Will this work?"

"Perfect," I say, and place it on top on the dresser.

"Let me watch you one more time," he pleads. I sit down against the bed and hurl the knife at the cheese. "Your turn," I say. He runs across the room to collect the knife and stands next to me. He hurls the knife, and it hits the ceiling. I can't control myself. A roar of laughter comes out.

"No, not like that!" I say.

"What do you mean 'not like that'? I imitated you perfectly," he says, sure of himself.

"You did not," I tell him.

"Well, do it again then." I sigh as he hands me the knife, I throw it and it hits the cheese. Caleb looks confused and in awe. I hear a footstep and see and Tris staring at us in the doorway.

"Tell me he's some kind of Dauntless prodigy," Caleb pleads. "Can you do this, too?"

With my right hand, maybe," Tris says, a smile playing on her lips. "But yes, _Fou_r is some kind of Dauntless prodigy." On Four, I look at her. It still is weird to hear her say my nickname after getting used to her calling me Tobias. "Can I ask why you're throwing knives at cheese?" she asks.

"Caleb came by to discuss something and knife-throwing came up somehow," I explain.

"As it so often does," Tris says, the sarcasm in her voice heavy. I just stare at her, admiring her messy blonde hair. I don't know why she likes me, I really don't.

Caleb clears his throat, breaking the silence. Anyways, I should be getting back to my room," he says. "I'm reading this book about the water-filtration systems. The kid who gave it to me looked at me like I was crazy for wanting to read it. I think it's supposed to be a repair manual, but it's fascinating." All I can do is stare at this kid and wonder how he is in any way related to Tris.

"Sorry," he mumbles, blushing. "You probably think I'm crazy, too."

"Not at all," I say, masking the sarcasm in my words. I just can't resist. "Maybe you should read that repair manual, too, Tris. It sounds like something you might like."

"I can loan it to you," Caleb says, his eyes sparkling with hope.

"Maybe later," Tris mutters, and Caleb practically skips out of the room. When the door shuts, Tris shoots me a dirty look, and I know I'm in trouble.

"Thanks for that," she chastises me. "Now he's going to talk my ear off about water filtration and how it works. Though I guess I might prefer that to what he wants to talk to me about."

"Oh? And what's that?" I ask curiously. "Aquaponics?"

"What's that?"

"One of the ways they grow food here. You don't want to know," I tell her, shaking my head as I remember the conversation he tried to initiate on our walk here.

"You're right, I don't. What did he come to talk to you about?" Tris asks innocently.

"You," I say, and she looks surprised. "I think it was the big brother talk. 'Don't mess with my little sister' and all that."

"What did you tell him?" she asks quietly. I get up and walk to her. I gently stroke her cheek with my hand, feeling the warmth of her skin.

"I told him how we got together, and that's how the knife-throwing came up. And I told him I wasn't messing around."

Before she can say anything, I push her against the door and kiss her. I grab her hips, pulling me closer to her. It scares me how much I love this. She pulls me closer and gently traces her fingers under the hem of my shirt, along my stomach. I kiss her hungrily. Hungry for her skin, hungry for the warmth, hungry for her. I hate when I have to pull back.

"This isn't what you came for," I whisper.

"No."

"Then what did you come for?"

"Who cares?" she asks, and before I can push the question further, her fingers and running through my hair, pulling my mouth to hers. I enjoy the sensation for a second, but I know I need to make sure she is okay.

"Tris," I mutter against her neck.

"Okay, okay," she sighs. She tells me about over hearing Johanna and Marcus in the garden, about a big secret the leaders are supposedly keeping from us.

"Well, what do you think?" she asks when she finishes her story.

"I think," I say, trying to find the right words, "that it's Marcus trying to feel more important than he is.

"So what, you think he's just talking nonsense?" she practically screeches. Crap.

"I think there probably is some information the Abnegation had Jeanine wanted to know, but I think he's exaggerating its importance. Trying to build up his ego by making Johanna think he's got something she wants to know and won't give it to her."

"I don't…" she hesitates, then frowns. "I don't think you're right. He didn't sound like he was lying."

"You don't know Marcus like I do. He's an excellent liar." I think about all the stories he told to explain the welts and bruises.

"Maybe you're right, but shouldn't we find out what's going on? Just to be sure?"

"I think it's more important we go deal with the situation at hand," I say. I love Tris, and I can't let her build this false impression that Marcus really is trying to protect some big secret. "Go back to the city. Find out what's going on there. Find a way to take the Erudite down. Then maybe we can find out what Marcus was talking about after all this is resolved, okay?"

She nods, but doesn't say anything. I know she's not happy with it, but it's the best option. If we don't focus on trying to fix this, there will be nothing left to protect. I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her hair. I would do anything to protect this girl, and if that makes me the bad guy for a moment, it's something I have to risk.


End file.
